


What's Found Is Not Always Lost

by Luvkyloreylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Abandonment, Absent Parents, Accidental Voyeurism, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anger Management, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Assumptions, Awkward Sexual Situations, Battling alcoholism, Be someone else a moment, Being Lost, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben is Not Gay, Broken Promises, Child Neglect, Comfort Reading, Confessions, Confinement, Conflict of Interests, Confusing, Consensual Underage Sex, Courtroom Drama, Cruelty, Crying, Daydreaming, Don't Judge, Dream Sex, Dreams and Nightmares, Drug Addiction, Drug Withdrawal, Drugged Sex, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Bonding, Fantasizing, Fate & Destiny, Fear, Finger Sucking, First Impressions, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Forehead Touching, Forgiveness, Freedom, Gentle Kissing, Good Intentions, Grief, Heavy Angst, Heavy Petting, High School, Holding Hands, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Inner Strength, Inspiration, Jealousy, Kidnapping, Learning curve, Light Petting, Loneliness, Long-Term Relationship(s), Loss of Virginity, M/M, Magic Fingers, Male-Female Friendship, Masturbation in Shower, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Mind Games, Mind/Mood Altering Substances, Minor Character Death, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Obsessive Behavior, Older Man/Younger Woman, Oral Sex, Pain, Past Drug Addiction, Poor Life Choices, Pretending, Prison, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, Regret, Resentment, Restraints, Rey Needs A Hug, Romantic Soulmates, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Sacrifice, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Shyness, Sleep Deprivation, Slut Shaming, Soul Bond, Soul-Searching, Steps, Stolen Moments, Talking, Teasing, Teenage Drama, Temper Tantrums, Tender Sex, Tenderness, Threats of Violence, Touch-Starved, Touching, Trust Issues, Underage Drug Use, Underage Kissing, Underage Masturbation, Underage Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Fingering, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), Vulnerability, Watching Someone Sleep, Young Rey, angst with happy ending, forgiveness is not easy, meetings, prison antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2019-10-21 05:33:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 67
Words: 38,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17636888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luvkyloreylo/pseuds/Luvkyloreylo
Summary: ———-***COMPLETE***———Ben wandered into the gas station, grabbed a sundrop and a pack of oreos. Depressing. At birth everyone has blood submitted into a vast database, if you have the money you can pay to use the resource to seek out your soulmate. Ben sighed, his parent's disowned him when he was 17... cut him off. 31, had no money to find her. He lived a nomad's life. He was headed to use his friend's cabin, hoping a little time in the mountains would clear his head. He needed a restart. He was tired of pointless relationships...empty promises. He liked building things. That was his plan. He went to the register to pay, a family walked in. The daughter giggling as she grabbed skittles, a kit kat. The mother scolding her. He paid, started to drift toward the exit.  He felt a pain in his chest, no? The girl... she was his... he saw it in his mind... her blood called his. She was unaware it seemed ...not of age yet? He swallowed. She went out ahead of him, her parent's  were paying now. He saw her round the corner of the building, bathroom? He got in his car, pulled around. Watching out, he opened his back door. When she popped out he grabbed her from behind, holding her until she passed out. No going back...he drove.





	1. Impulse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [secretreylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretreylo/gifts), [coffeeandcigarettesplease](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandcigarettesplease/gifts), [cryforwhat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryforwhat/gifts), [LBellicose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LBellicose/gifts), [AdriannaXVI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdriannaXVI/gifts).



She lay in his backseat as he drove away from the gas station. 

What was he thinking?

He just stole a person!

Obviously  underage...

 

He was just so....

Exhausted. 

Lonely. 

Depressed.

Frustrated.

 

He could hear her steady breathing.

 He pulled over, tied her wrists and ankles with zip ties from his last job...it would have to do...for now.

He hadn't  planned this...

To... kidnap a child?

 

Fucking Christ.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck !

He was going to jail...

His soulmate was going to despise him...

He reached over and stuck his hand in her purse.

Wallet.

Yanking it out he opened it.

Id? Driver's license... Rey Andor... 16?

Yep. Not of age... wouldn't  feel the call in her blood to him as he felt to her...the ache.

She will just see him as some crazed pervert who kidnapped  her. 

He was a lot older... 31 to  her 16...

Ben looked in his rear mirror...Rey.

She was pretty.

He could smell her perfume, maybe body spray?

He had supplies to get still...she would need things...

It was still hours to the cabin.

He hoped he didn't  hurt her.

He would set her up then seek out what they'd  need.

He had some money, not alot, from his last  job. 

Armitage wants repairs to the cabin,  fencing fixed, ...he was letting Ben use it indefinitely  as a favor. 

He could get a local labor job?

 She was here. He wasn't alone.

 

 

 


	2. Pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben heard her stir behind him. To her credit she didn't shriek when she came to. But her eyes were wide, as she took in where she was. She glanced out the windows at the passing scenery, up towards him, at her bound limbs. She sighed, silent tears formed. The sight of them roaming down her young face tore at Ben's heart. But he had no idea what to say.

The pace to the cabin was steady.

He had filled up his tank at the station and filled an extra two jugs not knowing how close a gas station would be to the cabin.

Rey remained still, ...quiet, ...as if she knew being loud wouldn't  aid  her...that struggling in her bindings would just cause injury.

Ben turned the radio up.

Zeplin roared to life. 

 

It was beautiful outside. Rolling hills, trees, open skies.

 

He thought of asking her if she was ok... but decided against it. 

She was not ok...she was with a stranger against her will...

She was probably  terrified.

 

So he just drove. 

Occasionally  peeking at her.

 

He changed the station periodically... observing  her body language to see if it made her more at ease. 

She seemed less tense with the Christian  station on... the melodies.

 

He wondered if she was thinking of her worried parents...her friends... maybe a boyfriend...

Was she scared of him truly? Did she think he would kill her...rape her?

 

His mind was full, but his whole system felt good being in close proximity  to his soulmate...

Like when he was high...the drugs... the pills...the coke... 

The simple bliss...warm joy seeping into every cell...numb fantasy...colorful melancholy dance...

 

It took him years living at the bottom of the barrel to escape those clutches... withdrawals so bad he felt like dying might be easier...

But now...but now...

She felt better than any drug he'd used...

 

As they finally pulled up the long hidden drive to Hux's cabin, Ben sighed... relieved.

Rey stared out the window at the cabin.

Then turned toward him.

She closed her eyes.

 

Ben got out, unlocked the door with the key he found.

Unloaded his bags.  Setting them in his room.

 

Then he inched closer to her. 

Scooped her up in his arms.

Her eyes squeezed closed still.

She was so warm, small.  Smelled divine.

He liked her long hair.

 

He set her gently on the bed in the other bedroom. 

"I suppose I need to introduce myself before I cut you loose... my name is Benjamin Solo." Ben stood over her trying not to appear intimidating, but his size wasn't  doing him any favors. 

He hoped his kind tone and smile would.

"I'm  going to cut you loose Rey, the bathroom is right there.  Go ahead and use it, I'll give you privacy." Ben told her.

Rey was hesitant, but moved slowly to the bathroom once she was free, rubbing her wrists. 

Ben sighed and took a deep breath as she disappeared behind the door.

 

 


	3. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian held a very distraught Jyn. Their only daughter just gone...5 minutes out of sight ...tops. As they gave their statements to the police hopelessness set in...no one saw anything, the outside camera was busted, the inside camera didn't catch a good visual of the man ahead of them in line or anyone really. Other customers were there at the same time. The cashier didn't pay attention. No one saw anything helpful. She had not even screamed... their happy girl wouldn't simply run away! Two days later, no news. Her image plastered on the t.v. her mother cried for her, her father pissed off he'd let her go out alone... blaming himself.

Rey blinked, glancing around.  

The small window in this room was boarded shut on both sides... inside ... outside. 

Overachiever much?

The man had not touched her since he cut her loose.

She still refused to speak to him.

He let her use the bathroom and shower that first night. Brought her a snack and bottle of water. 

Left her be.

The next day he left a t-shirt and  shorts for her if she wanted to change. Cereal.

She heard him leave. 

He was gone for hours.

 

Ben Solo.

He said his name was Ben Solo.

 

He'd  used a kind tone...he had gentle eyes.

But Jesus...he was huge... broad... dark hair... deep voice... he scared her. 

 

 

Why?

Why was she here?

He had volunteered nothing the  past two days...

 

 

Her tears faded...

What was the point in crying?

In the car he'd  ignored his captive audience.

Played with the radio...if she didn't know better she would think he was searching for which station she liked...

She hadn't  fought him exiting the car...

 

Now Rey  wanted her dad...her mom...

They had to be worried...

Some crazy man took her  !

Though for what?

 

* * *

 

 

He stocked the pantry, the fridge.

Got her some clothes, toiletries.

 

He wasn't  sure what to do or say...

She wasn't  talking to him...

He left her to settle. Leaving her food and water ...today he would give her the items he bought.

 

He hoped she wasn't too scared.

 

If she'd  met him years before she would have ran screaming for certain...

Like Bazine...like his parents...

Disappointed...

Disgusted...

 

No. 

He needed to use the little  patience he could  muster... give her time.

Accept.

Hopefully open her mind.

He couldn't  take rejection...

Aggravated he punched the wall, swung back knocking things off the shelf near him.

He stared down at the shattered figures on the dark wood floor...

 

Damn.

 

She  can't  see him do that.

He sighed, retrieved the broom and dustpan to clean up the mess.

 

Flowers...

Girls loved flowers...

He would find her flowers. 

She would wake up tomorrow  to flowers.

He dug around, finding a glass vase.

"Perfect." He hummed. Smiled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Smash and shake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His knuckles bloody... his chest throbbed. No ! No ! No ! He was shaking... the policeman was talking to him... he knew he was...could see lips moving...but, all he heard was static ...his mother's tears... he slumped beside the crumpled body.

_Ben  wasn't  social..._

_Social people had more than one real friend._

_Social people were confident, not crippled by insecurity... they weren't resentful of every smiling face they passed._

_He was awkward, angry...bitter._

_He was left alone too much..._

 

_When you are alone too much you think too deeply...self reflection... you look in the mirror and wonder about the other homes...other families..._

 

_Bazine made him feel wanted, she hated everyone too..._

_She gave him his first joint...his first drink..._

_She was not his soulmate._

_Soulmates were probably a damn myth anyway..._

_People rarely found them...because regular people didn't  have the funds to use every resource to seek them out._

 

_Ben can. Could._

_His family had money...lots._

_Big house, cars...the works._

_His mother promised they would find his soulmate after he turned 18._

 

_But...his money also got him better drugs..._

_Fighting at school got him out of school suspension,  yelled at._

_Bazine snuck him something to help._

 

_The acid hit his system like a waterfall..._

_His bones felt floaty...the walls could sway...his couch could have a conversation  with him...his skin felt furry...bearish...softish...until it wasn't..._

_It also brought paranoia ...hostility ...defensiveness..._

 

_Bazine  gave him his first blowjob while he rolled. It blew his mind._

_He blew off school more over time._

_Why do I  need this? Pointless..._

_So she did it more... he liked it._

 

_The white powder made his uselessness  fade, he felt strong and awake...powerful._

_He yelled back at his parents._

 

_He fucked Bazine in her father's bed while he was out of town.  They snorted coke off eachother, drank her dad's  beer. She invited a few friends over, they partied all weekend._

_His father showed up, dragged his red eyed, stubbling ass home._

 

_His grades fell...he went less._

_Now tonight he sits staring at his father...who's barely breathing because Ben wouldn't  stop punching him._

_His father wanted to save him from himself..._

_His mother begged for rehab... counseling, he was only 17._

_He was cut off from the family money._

 

_The doctors were not horrible, just monotone._

_His rehab center was expensive.  Bazine was kept away._

 

_When he got out he was 18, had to attend summer school. Got his GED._

_Bazine talked him into sneaking out. They madeout and he fucked her in the ass in a field outside of town...the pills she'd  given him made him feel invincible and like he was dying all at once. She promised he could do anything to her..._

 

_He woke up in a hospital bed._

_His mother got a nurse, the attending physician  explained  he'd overdosed. His heart had stopped. Someone found him on the side of the road._

_Ben realized Bazine had left him there...to die. She never came to the hospital._

_He heard she was hooking up with Aaron Snoke, the guy the drugs came from. Ben wanted no part of that._

 

_When he was strong enough he left._

 

_He packed a bag, told his buddy Hux goodbye._

_He drove off and never looked back._

_The image of his father haunting him._

_He met women in different towns he passed through,  worked odd jobs...saved money._

_He would never have a soulmate... devils didn't get happy endings or love...they lived alone..._

_...it was deserved._

_He read about them...the ache you could feel if you were of age to sense their proximity.  The want... the call of their blood to your own._

_He sought her out...but every year of nothing just left him pissy..._ _cynical._

_Hux kept in touch...loyal to a fault._

_His dad was ok. His mom missed him. Hux wanted him to know._

_Bazine was dead. Messed over the wrong people... she never saw 25._

 

_Hux offered his cabin, work to fix it up. Hoping if Ben stayed in one place for the first time in over a decade he might forgive himself... come home._

_Ben liked the idea.  He trusted Armitage._

_He never judged him._

_Even when he'd  found him at hotels laying in his own vomit and piss._

 

 

"yeah man, all set up...I think I will stay awhile if the offer is still good. I  need to be alone a bit, work through my issues.  I'll  get all repairs done you asked for, even improvements. You know I've become a jack of all trades..." Ben walked back and forth on the front porch on his cell.

"Stay as long as you like my friend, I  never have time anymore and the place will go to ruin.  You have money on that card I sent,  it's  in my desk in the main bedroom. I'll  load more as you need it. " Hux  replied.

Ben glanced toward the door, he needed to check on her.

He hung up his phone. 

His hands were shakey. Happened from time to time still...

Rey wouldn't  know that version of him. He could be better.

He was better.

 

 

 

 

 


	5. When I feel weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey remembered the smell of her mother's perfume, she would breathe it in deep as she braided her hair for school.

Ben was ever so quiet, he knew Rey was asleep. 

He couldn't stay back anymore...

He pushed hair out of her face with two fingers.

Drawing in a shakey breath, her skin was so soft...so warm.

If he was a different man...

She slept on. 

He hoped dreaming of something pleasant.

 

He watched her for a while before leaning down, kissing her forehead.

 

* * *

 

The clothes he bought her were laid  out for her in a chair.  She found girly things in the bathroom.

A vase full of wildflowers by the bed.

Rey sniffed them. 

Colorful.

She desperately  wanted to go outside.

 

She went to the door.

She could hear him...kitchen maybe?

"Sir? Um...Ben" Rey called out.

She heard him drop something. Curse.

She'd  startled him.

 

"Yeah...yes...just a moment!" She heard him yell back.

The door opened a few minutes later. 

"Hi, Rey. Yes? You called?" He questioned sounding nervous.

It surprised  her.

Her kidnapper was nervous?

She gazed at his features, taking him in, absorbing more details. "Can I... leave this room?"

"Oh, yes... come sit in the kitchen with me. I'm  finishing breakfast." Ben flustered.

Rey cautiously  took a seat  at the table. He was making pancakes.

They smelled good.

Syrup sat at the center of the table.

"I'm glad you can eat in here today.  I  am sorry...I  just thought you needed time. I won't  hurt you." Ben promised, placing two pancakes on her plate.

Rey eyed him. "How do I know that? You... you took me...don't maniacs who steal girls typically rape and murder them?"

"Maybe... I  won't  though." He stated, taking a bite of his food.

She poured syrup on hers. 

Took a bite.

"I like the flowers...and the clothes. Thankyou I guess..." she offered.

He smiled, "you're very welcome...if you need anything...just ask."

Rey  was so utterly flabbergasted. "Why did you take me?"

"Right to it then...well. I assume you've heard of soulmates. You are mine...you can't  feel what I  feel yet. But when you come of age, you'll  feel it. I  got scared, I  went about this badly...but Rey, I  couldn't  risk losing you...never knowing you." Ben unloaded.

Rey nodded,  he looked pained. It was what he truly believed.

She ate her food.

"So, you won't let me leave? I'm just... here, until I come of age? Good plan..." her tone was a bit snarky.

Ben smiled,  "it's  not so bad, we can take our time...get to really know eachother. Our age difference won't  matter later... you'll feel a call to me like I  do you."

"You still shouldn't  have taken me..." she rebuffed him.

Ben knew. "I know."

Rey finished, got up.  "Take me outside please... show me where the flowers came from?"

Ben stood, "sure...of course. Least I can do...please don't  try to run...I  don't  want to restrain you."

She let him guide her out. Stayed beside him as they walked. 

The field was perfect...so much color. She had so many questions.

The breeze felt like a gentle caress.

The sun warm on her skin.

 

Ben didn't  push for conversation.

 

Rey sat down, laid back amongst the flowers, closed her eyes. 

He let her.

 


	6. Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey was wary, but true to his word Ben was careful around her. He didn't try to ravage...he was ...oddly nice.

Rey sat looking up at the stars. 

The sky was so vast.

She used to try to count the stars when she was small. He father would point out constellations, but Rey liked making up her own.

"Do you like sitting under the stars? You've  been staring at them for a couple of hours..." Ben asked. He'd been swinging on the porch swing just sipping his coffee,  not wanting to interrupt her.

Rey turned to him, "yes...something I  did with my dad.  I  thought the real constellations  were boring... so I made up my own."

"Sounds fun. My parents were gone alot when I was little, my nannies didn't  bother with things like that." Ben told her.

Rey nodded, "um... were your parents soulmates ? Mine were... but I  don't  know many pairs that are..."

"Yes actually...they met completely  by accident.  She was protesting against an oil compney." Ben straightened, "Turns out it was owned by her biological  father... fate took a turn and she was arrested. Spent the night in a cell that occupied my father and her long lost twin brother. So she found 3 people through that experience, it changed her life. She was barely 18 but just knew."

"Young..." Rey replied.

"Maybe, but they have always fought and loved eachother fiercely. They couldn't  imagine having never found one another..." Ben  ran his hand through his hair. "I know this is wierd for you, but please understand. I  was lost... you are my future."

"Easy for you to say..." Rey  turned around looking at his hands. She wondered if... ? "May I?"

 Ben nodded.

Rey took his hands over hers, his were so much bigger.

She expected some jolt...electricity ...something to support his claim.

Nothing.

But his hands were...inviting.

Rey released them, turned back toward the night sky, "my mother met my father at her wedding...her soulmate, my father, was the groom's best friend."

Ben smiled, "how did they realize it?"

"She always told me it was as she came down the isle, he'd  been out of country...she didn't  meet him until the day of. As she walked toward her future husband she felt  pulled. Her eyes shifted to his best man. He felt it too. He ran up to her, kissed her, took her hand and they ran off..." Rey went on. "Alec saw it all over them... he wasn't even mad... they got married only months later. Then came me. The both loved telling me the story. Mom always said I'd find my soulmate someday... this wasn't what they meant though. Other people don't just kidnap... or you'd  hear about it on the news!"

Rey huffed, annoyed. 

Ben sighed, "I  know... most just give  up. But like your story...my story, it can just happen... Rey, I  may never have found you again. I've lived through hell... I deserve to feel happy. You can be happy with me..."

Rey scowled at him, "I  don't  know you... I  can't  go to school... see my friends ... see my parents... you just aren't getting it ! Ben,  I even have a boyfriend...well had... who knows now..."

She thought of Roderick. She wiped her tears with her hand.

Ben drew up to her, cupped her cheek, "I  do know... but it's  worth it. To feel whole,  truly complete with someone."

"Do not touch me !" She jerked away, stormed to the room she used.

 

He had to  be crazy...

Right?

 

Rey remembered how her parents glowed. They felt so much for eachother. 

This...Ben...was he really hers? 

He was handsome...maybe. His eyes...

 

Her friends would think so.

 

If she ran away... would he just chase her down?

Rey went to her boarded window, she could peek out through a crack. She wished on the stars for answers.

His hands, so big. He could hurt her so easily, take whatever he wanted...

What would her mother say?

 

If she... tried to  get to know him... would he let her go?

 

If she was with him long enough... would she even want to?

 

* * *

 

 

The conversation had not gone exactly  how he hoped...

Ben thought if she saw how unusual some soulmate stories were she'd  open her heart to him. 

Like he did most nights he found himself at her door.

The more he did this, the more he desired to feel her.

Rey rolled over, her leg poking out of the blankets. 

In her slumber she frowned.

Ben's  fingers grazed her calf, up to her knee,....her thigh.

He noticed little freckles along the exposed skin like she had dusting her nose and cheeks.

 

"Adorable...you have no idea..." Ben murmured. 

Just as every night he planted a soft kiss. This time to her thigh. 

 

If only he could keep going...

 

Kiss every inch of her... 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Ouch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tried everything... anything to bond with her. Tense as it was, he was stubborn.

"See, you're a natural. The chicken is ready to pull off the bones, saturated with flavor. I'll show you how to roll the dough just right for the dumplings..." Ben helped her plop the chicken in a big bowl to start.

 

Rey actually did enjoy these little cooking lessons...

 

The bubbling mixture on the stove smelled amazing, she dropped the pieces she pulled off the bones back in.

The dumplings themselves were more complicated, but fun.

Rey went to pull a glass down to pour a drink when they finished.

Ben placed his hand on her hip, leaning  close to her ear, "I'm  not so bad...we can take turns cooking when we get married."

The contact startled her. His words more.

She dropped the glass. It fragmented across the floor. "Oh fuck...I got it!" 

She dropped down to grab the pieces.

"Ouch!" Rey squeaked. Blood seeping from her hand, two fingers cut. 

Ben moved so quick.

Gripping her injured hand, he sucked in the bleeding fingers.

Rey froze. The suction, heat of his mouth...

Something coiled inside. "I ..." she mumbled.

Ben gazed into her shocked eyes,  she felt his tongue.

She wanted to pull away,  but no part of her body would cooperate.

"Mmmm." He hummed, suckling harder.  Felt her shiver.

He released her fingers only to kiss her palm...

Kiss her wrist.

Eyes locked.

Rey felt her knees weaken.

Before she knew what was happening  he was crashing against her lips, groaning. 

For a whole second Rey forgot who he was. What was happening. Where they were.

When she regained her composure, shoved him away." You don't do that !"

"Sorry... I shouldn't have." Ben retrieved the first aid kit, "let me fix your cuts up please."

Rey let him, but kept shifting nervously.

 

He knew he had overstepped, but... for a moment she kissed him back... she'd felt something when her fingers were being suckled, caressed by his tongue...

How would it feel to do that to her nipples...her little clit...

But he couldn't  speak those thoughts.

 

Rey didn't  thank him, just returned to their dinner after the bandaids were on.

 

* * *

 

 

"You've  told me you did drugs... went to  rehab...were you high when you took me?" Rey asked.

Ben set his book down.  

Poked the fire with the metal rod. 

"Again, ...I was not high Rey... or drunk... or temporarily  insane... it was irrational, but I  made the decision  with a solid mind...good intentions." Ben replied, slightly annoyed.

Rey went back to her own book. 

 

She didn't  believe him, his stories just made her question him more...

He'd  been violent... he'd  attacked his  own father when baked out of his gourd. 

He was impulsive. Needy.

 

She was bored here...but he rarely left her alone except at night or when she bathed. 

When he went to town he bound her. Locked her door.

He took her to swim, for walks.

But hid the keys and his phone.

Rey knew.

She could get lost in the woods. Main roads would be easy to find her if she ran,  town was too far.

 

He kept... touching her.

When they cooked together, played games he brought home.

It always made her tense.

She worried he would go for more than a kiss sooner rather than later.

 

* * *

 

 

"Rey! Come out please!" Ben yelled through the door. "Do I need to take the door off the bathroom?!"

Rey came out glaring at him,  pajamas on. "Quit ordering me ! I just wanted to be alone !"

Ben slammed her door. She flinched. "Don't  make me Rey !"

In the living room he encouraged  her to sit on the floor in front of him, he brushed her hair and the movie he'd  picked started.

Rey complied, but refused to talk.

 

Ben loved playing with her hair... his mom used to let him. 

He thrived on it when Rey allowed him... touching her in any way set his body on fire...

He had to hide his hard on, but that he could deal with.

Trust was not easy to earn from her still. 

He had worked up to petting her back as she slept, kissed her shoulder. 

It wasn't  enough.

He desperately needed to curl around her, be on her...feel her.

She wallowed in her sleep often, tossing and turning...the blankets getting disheveled. 

It gave him more skin to explore. 

He bought her pajama tanks and shorts to sleep in. Delighted when he noticed usually  she was bare beneath the fabric.

He could be braver he thinks... maybe... slight movements wouldn't  wake her...?

 

 

 


	8. Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey had been learning chess, well Ben was attempting to teach her how to play. Like every thing he tried to bond with...he was patient.

Rey knew.

Any one of her hormone driven friends would want the man sitting across  from her.

Tall ...dark ...and ...handsome ...like a fairytale checklist.

Rose would definately  say 'cha-ching!' 'You won the fucking soulmate lottery!'

Kaydel would joke about climbing his muscled frame like  a tree.

 

Ben seemed content  just to be near her...the few snippets  of his temper she saw weren't...too bad.

 

Ben snapped her out of her mental wanderings, "so, ...you mentioned  a boyfriend?"

"Yes. His name is Roderick, he's  a senior. Popular, hot.  We've  all been friends since we were little. " Rey  told him.

Ben nodded,  "kiss him yet? Or...?"

"Not really your business. " she spouted. 

She knew he could sense her annoyance.

He beat her again, "rematch?"

Rey shook her head, got up.

"He really liked me you know! I was working on getting brave enough to kiss him....we held hands! You took my first kiss! Stole it ! Like you stole me !" She accused, shaking her index finger in his face.

Then stomped off to her room.

Ben stared after her, mouth agape.

 

* * *

 

He got it. He did.

He'd  been young once.

Excited and nervous.

Floored by sensation  and want.

 

But it hadn't  been love.

He'd  taken a few waitresses to bed while he searched for himself... others.

It was empty though.

It made him feel less alone for a while, but it wasn't  enough.

There was no spark...fire.

Rey had fire. She was a spitfire. 

He chuckled.

This Roderick...she would forget him. She would.

 

He busted her phone right after he took her. Just in case.

No one would figure out who he was...on the road he used cash. 

Hux's  card was helping him here. But he was doing odd jobs too.

He could fix anything.

He would fix this with Rey.

Make her see him as the prince in her tale not the villain.

 


	9. Crack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey cried, it hurt. She tripped over the stupid coffee table. Now she laid on the floor clutching her ankle.

"Be still Rey, let me look at it." Ben rubbed the area carefully, attempting to turn it a bit.

Rey squeaked, "ouch ! Stop, it hurts!"

Ben sshhhh'd her. "You just need to stay off it, I'll  fix you an ice pack."

Before Rey could react he bent down and kissed her injured ankle, then scooped her up to set her on the couch. 

He propped her foot up on pillows, laid the ice pack over it.  "It's  a little  swollen, I'm  going to fetch you some water and a couple ibuprofen. Just relax."

It was...gentle.

Rey nodded.

"Thanks Ben..." she gave him a slight smile.

Ben grinned, "very welcome. Movie or book?"

Rey hesitated, "movie? What is there?"

Ben turned, went to the cabinets, "well, Hux has docu-dramas and action movies... his wife has love stories and fantasy...there's a ton of disney flicks because of his kids..."

Rey nodded,  "um...Everafter there?"

"Yes...actually. we can watch that." He was so excited.

He sat near her, but didn't touch her.

Rey loved the film...always had. 

"I like this part..." Rey  was focussed, "he is so enamored by her strength... but at the treetops she wishes she could fly like a bird..."

"Who wouldn't. " he agreed, "He's not the brightest prince though...he didn't even recognize meeting her at the beginning. "

Throughout they chit chatted about the characters.

Halfway through the movie he checked her ankle.

When Rey teared up  during the big climax of the movie it tore at him...

Could he comfort her?

So he took a shot...

Scooting closer he propped her feet on his lap rather than the pillows, and rubbed her leg, " it's  ok...they will find their way through it. He won't  live without her."

Rey sniffled, sighing.

He noticed she didn't  pull away.

He kept petting her legs, her feet.

Only when he toyed with her bare toes did she flinch, a giggle escaping, "stop that!"

"Sorry... um ...I  got you some  nail polish if you will let me...I'll paint your toes." Ben offered.

Rey gave him a look, "really?"

Disbelief. 

" yeah, used to  paint mom's.  I know, silly. But, when I was young I  just loved spending time with her when she gave it to me...she didn't  have a little  girl to take to the salon...just me. It helped her relax." Ben said calm and flat.

Rey saw the end credits  start, "ok... but I  get to paint yours too. Fair's fair."

Ben laughed. 

Neon pink was in his future, but he was thrilled for it.


	10. Orbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The planets orbit the sun... the moon orbits the Earth... Rey pulled Ben in orbit around her... he fights against it daily...

People living in close proximity learn eachother... their quirks...tells ...noises ...expressions.

Ben observes Rey so closely. 

Her every breath is a fascinating melody to him.

 

The way she favors her right foot when she's  nervous...

The way she twists her hair when she relaxes...

The sounds that escape her lips as she enjoys her food...

Her brow furrow when she's  annoyed...

Her smile was priceless...

 

Her eyes spoke volumes. 

 

Ben finds himself  theorizing whole conversations they could be having when they're  actually  sitting in complete  silence.

 

Days ago she'd allowed him the intimacy of painting her toes... afterwards... she'd  painted his.

So they had matching pink toes at the moment... Hux would be laughing relentlessly if he could see...

Ben was sure of it.

But... her ankle had been hurt, he'd  taken care of her. She'd  let him rub her ankle...her foot...her calf... and on the non injured leg too before the spa session ...while watching movies.

 

He thought of how sweet his mother found it when he was young ... just willing to do anything for quality time. 

 

And now...

Well...

Rey was not his mother...

His thoughts concerning her dipping into  racey waters that definately would make the young girl blush perfusely.

His nightly wanderings into her room were not doing him any favors either...

 

He stared at her now reading her book...

 

Last night it'd  been so hot he'd  discovered her sleeping in only a tank and panties...

Her body over the covers where she'd  kicked them off...

Ben had simply stood in the dark doorway for what felt like an eternity...swearing the pounding of his chest would wake her.

But... as she rolled over, her knee hitched up, the other leg flopping to the side with a sigh from her delicate mouth...he caved.

Kneeling at the edge he leaned closer, so open there.

His fingers twitched.

As many times before...his fingers so very lightly grazed over  bare skin...

Over the top of her foot...shin... knee...thigh...

He'd  held his own breath.

Letting  them drift over down along her inner thigh...over the cloth hiding her moist center.

Never letting his eyes leave her face. 

She felt warm. 

He added no pressure, but easily felt the texture of her slit there beneath...dampness.

In her sleep she panted a little...

He leaned down trying not to move the bed. His fingers so lightly tracing...

He had dared a step further and licked over the cloth...

The taste  completely  intoxicating him. Her blood called to his so deeply... but he had to keep it in check...

what he was doing...?

What he...had done other nights... was already pushing it...

But Jesus... he wanted to just move the cloth over and lap into her fully...hear her moan...

He ran his tongue over her center heat  again...she shifted with a huff...

He froze thinking he was caught...

But her continued heavy breathing reported otherwise...

Her turning had risen the tank up slightly...now he gazed at her flat stomach and the underneath  of one breast.

His fingers ghosted  the revealed skin... 

"So beautiful..." Ben had murmured. 

 

These  reflections weren't  helpful during the day when she definately  wasn't  inviting such things.

"I have to go to town to get supplies, did you want to shower before I lock you in your room? You didn't  after you woke up." Ben asked.

Rey glared, "I  suppose...you could just not lock me up."

"You know I  can't  leave you loose while I'm gone...we're still building trust..." he replied casually.

Rey grumbled, "fine..."

She got up and grabbed a change of clothes.

When Ben heard the water turn on, he inched closer to the bathroom door.

He peeked just a tad through the crack of space.

She was inside the shower already soaping her hair, massaging it in... he wished his hands were helping her.

The clear curtain didn't  hide her from his view...he could see her gentle curves.

He could see the water running over her pinked flesh.

His throat bobbed as she washed her chest then between her legs.

He knew how terribly violating this was...but he just needed something...

As she rinsed under the spout he quietly pulled it shut and retreated.

 

He tied her wrists with zip ties, and locked her room.  Trying to ignore how pissed off she looked.

He only bound her hands when he outright left, ...at night he only locked the door.

He just couldn't risk her leaving.

And he wouldn't  be gone long.

 

As he drove to town he thought of her in the shower...how her cunt had felt so warm through the cloth of her panties the night before...

He was so hard it hurt...he began palming himself.

He growled, pulled over.

Seeing no one in either direction, he gave in...

Pulling himself loose he quickly licked his palm and worked his shaft.

Closing his eyes letting the images take him there...

Like he was in the shower with her...his soapy hands running over each breast and lower...

Like he had moved her panties over  and let his tongue delve deep inside...

She would whimper...

She would want him...

She would moan and soak him...

Imagining  her wetness dripping...

 

 

"Oh ...holy fuck!" He came all over himself.  So fast...but he was beyond pent up...

Breathing hard he wiped off with an old shirt from his floorboard.

 

He hummed happily  all the way to town.

"Dinner...maybe stuffed meatloaf? ...with apple pie? ...ice cream?" He mumbled to himself.

He whistled through isles. 

At the register he was cheerful with a flirty cashier.

With the edge off, he was stoked to get back... invite her to play Jenga or cards after they ate.

Ben felt... relieved.

 

 

 


	11. Dreamer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben used to toss and turn so much when he was young, his doctor suggested melatonin. It was safe to use, gentle on the stomach, tasted like strawberry or other berries depending on which his mom bought, ... something that aided in calming a hyper or figity child. It vastly helped him fall asleep.

Ben felt like he was helping Rey  be more relaxed and get better rest.

It had not crossed his mind at first that it would make her sleep quite so sound. 

Just one tablet was enough for a young child. 

She was petite...

He usually  figured out some way to give it to her at dinner...her food... drink...dessert...

It usually took 30 minutes to an hour and a half sometimes  for her to get sluggish and head to bed.

It didn't  leave her feeling drugged in the morning, just well rested. Crisp. He was just trying to help her be calm and comfortable...this was stressful  for her...

 

Ben knew the visits were walking a slippery slope...he just couldn't  help it.  

It wasn't  intended really...not malicious... he just needed her closer... was just checking in on her...

When she was awake it was a 50/50 shot if he'd  be allowed near her.

He wondered if his touch was triggering anything...

Could it be forced to emerge?

Being around your soulmate so much, touching them... make them feel it sooner?

He researched ...nothing lent a thread to that.  

But... she wasn't being as hostile...

When he did brush against her or little  things, now she wasn't jerking away.

He always showered before he went to bed unless he did heavier yardwork. So he'd  been  trying  to curb his desires by wanking himself while he was in there.

But... when he touched her...

He got hard still.

He was frustrated. 

Hux had given him some insight about the area, places to see.

Maybe he would  make her really happy...take her somewhere.

Not around people ...but out.

Perhaps tomorrow. 

He crushed up the tablet. Tonight it was going in her strawberry milkshake. 

He very much hoped to examine her small breasts closer... maybe... maybe lick at...just give a gentle kiss to a nipple...maybe both nipples...

Maybe not...

He was always still afraid he'd  disturb her if it was too zealous ...

"That looks delicious,  thankyou Ben." Rey took the straw between  her lips, sucking up the pink creamy liquid.

Ben clenched his jaw.

Then smiled, "Glad you like it... tomorrow I'm  taking you out to see a few sights, get you fresh air."

Rey smiled, "that will be a nice change... if I  behave I'm  assuming?"

He nodded.

Watching her drink every pretty drop...


	12. Share

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He kept her close without smothering her. He packed a light lunch, just sandwiches... couple waters... apples ... chips... Ben was just satisfied Rey was in his car, hadn't tried to run... and their little outing had perfect weather.

"We should be there soon...Hux told me when he was little  his dad took him to this place. He said not many people  even know it's  there..." Ben pointed out.

Rey hadn't  said much.

"I made couple sandwiches, got the chips you like..." he went on. "We can eat when we get there, picnic lunch, then have a an apple as a snack after some exploring..." 

Rey recognized his excited  tone. 

This was another bonding attempt...

"Any stories about the place?" She asked.

Ben was happily  surprised,  "some.... nothing good though. Criminals  hid things ...bodies in the deep places. We won't  be going that far in though." 

Rey sighed, went back to looking out the window.  She had  not seen another car pass his at all.

 

She wasn't  sure what to make of any of this shit. 

He was actually  a cute, nice guy... if he wasn't  so much older... hadn't  kidnapped  her...she would like him... could have dated him.

And the dreams...oh my fucking God...the dreams!

Despite everything, ever since they got there she'd  been having dreams of him...doing things with her ...to her...she'd even woke up wet sometimes...

Her body and mind were definately  not cooperating with her. His mouth....his big hands...

She couldn't. Just couldn't. 

If he wasn't  so damn misguided  he would be considered  genuinely  thoughtful.

Now here they were on this nowhere road...going somewhere  she assumed he must hope she finds romantic...

He hopes she'll  forget Roderick...

Lord.

 

"Almost there?" Rey asked. Trying to sound interested.

Ben grinned, "5 more minutes."

"K." She replied. 

 


	13. Twists and turns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It really was so beautiful in the forgotten place... Rey had to admit it. If this was a real date she'd have been impressed...

After Ben parked the car, he hefted a large pack onto his back. She carried the pack with their lunch. 

She didn't  like it, but he blindfolded  her. He wasn't  going to show her where they were going ...just in case. 

If she ran...she would be ridiculously lost...

So...she let him lead her.

 

 

"You know love is not such a simple thing..." Ben stated as they walked.

Rey huffed. " I  know that..."

"I mean...people make it complicated. It can be simple... you want it...you seek it. You go through the pain of life, you learn how to grow and change, and you give trust to receive trust. Simple. " Ben explained. 

Rey nodded. "Maybe... that whole I could've missed the pain, but I would've missed the dance thought  process? Like the country song?" 

Ben chuckled, "yeah... I want you to trust me, but I'm  still struggling  with trusting you...vicious cycle I know... hence the blindfold ..."

"I figured...you're afraid I'll run if I known where I am ...if I get back to the car..." Rey threw at him.

Ben scoffed, "I  hid my keys...so unless you can hotwire..."

"--actually...I  can!" Rey teased.

Ben pursed his lips, a grimace  took over. "Good to know..."

 

 

"Love isn't  like Romeo and Juliet  either...it doesn't  have to be all encompassing  and tragic...dark hearted loss..." Rey suggested. "It can be easy...light...effortless..."

"Basically...they tried too hard and made it complicated...like many popular love stories?" Ben muttered back.

Rey smiled, "like you...you claim us as love ...fated...but you complicated everything  by taking me...instead of being patient with the universe." 

Ben growled, "we're here." Changing the subject.

He untied her blindfold revealing a clearing next to  a cavern opening. "There's a maze of caves and passages. So great. But turn down the wrong one and you fall...and fall...or get lost..."

"It's  pretty here...eat?" Rey said.

 

 

Ben laid out the blanket, set out their meal.

Rey watched him. He was meticulously arranging the pieces.

It was...nice.

Ug....

Why the fuck does the gorgeous  wackadoodle have to do such nice things?!

Because?

Because...

Rey macheted him inside her head.

Chop chop chop...

 

She giggled.

 

"What's  so funny?" Ben asked. Handed her a paper plate.

Rey shrugged, "oh nothing of world peace importance...just thought of something  amusing." 

"Ah, well good I guess...your giggle is cute." He replied casually, her plate now full.

Cute?!

"So I'm supposed to follow you around some maze in the dark? That screams serial killer shit Ben!" Rey taunted.

Ben looked indignant.  "No...it screams quality time.  Anyway, you'll  like it."

 

She stayed close,  following through several size changing crevices...around deep holes. 

He was no professional ...not a caver by any means...but he talked to her about this one...

The last passage brought them into a huge open space."here's as far as we go. I  will get lost any farther in. But if you're quiet... listen..."

Rey stood still as a statue." water?"

Ben grinned. "Underground pool...right over here." He pulled her closer.

Rey gazed down and across. The surface barely moving, but so clear. Smelled so fresh.

She crouched down. "Fresh water, pretty."

"Yeah, I'm  going to set up so we can relax." He gave her his flashlight. Then set up a lamp and blanket again. 

Rey  could hit him over the head with the flashlight...could.

"I brought a book, you want to read or need a snack? You could take a nap? Or take a dip if you want." Ben gave her options.

Rey knew they didn't  have swimsuits... that would mean losing clothes.

She wasn't  keen.

She wasn't  hungry...yet.

She was tired...she gulped some more of her water he gave her.

 

She yawned.

"Read to me? Just until I fall asleep,  I  may nap a bit..." she yawned again.

She lay sideways on the blanket.

"Sure..." Ben was happy to.

He opened his book, it was a spin of King Arthur in modern times. He liked it. 

Rey listened until she didn't...

Ben smiled. She looked peaceful. 

The quiet setting was romantic.  The light sound of the water soothing.

He inched closer. 

Her position made touching some places ...difficult. 

Ben saw how low her tank top was though...reaching his hand carefully  inside the fabric. He kneaded one warm breast, toying with the nipple a little.

Pushing his luck he leaned down and licked at the nipple exposed... still kneading.

Her slight pant only encouraged  him. 

He sucked it between  his teeth. 

"Mmmmmm" he mumbled.

He sucked harder, Rey remained still, but was breathing quicker.

Ben almost moaned.

He released the lovely tit,  tucked her back in place. Kissed her cheek.

He hoped he'd  made her wet...

He laid beside her. Stroked her cheek a few times.

He wouldn't  allow himself to feel guilty. 

If she realized anything or felt disgusted by him? ...well, he would know. She'd  definately  inform him. 

He chuckled.

Closed his eyes...reached over, held her hand.

 

 


	14. Amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben awoke to a lovely sight. The lamplight made Rey practically glow. But that wasn't what startled him. She was staring directly at him...she'd woke up first. He glanced over...she hadn't pulled her hand away...

It was only a moment longer,  but it did make him wonder why.

Why leave it?

Rey sat up and ventured to the water's  edge, "It's  magical. A secret place...like a forgotten fairytale..."

"Nice comparison. " Ben  offered. Getting their apples out.

Rey turned toward him, "let's  say I  believe you...that you felt something when you saw me... would our possible soulmate connection make me have dreams?"

 Ben's  mind raced. Dreams?

"We can research it when we get back if you want...what kind of dreams?" He prodded.

Rey blushed, "of things I haven't let happen...you ...touching me..."

"Maybe, ...your subconscious being curious... or attraction. I  dreamed of meeting my soulmate ...but never of a face. Now I  think of you all the time..." Ben told a half truth.

Now he knew, his little explorations had gone too far...she would hate him if she thought he had touched her without permission. 

Her little  Roderick  hadn't  touched her like that yet...and Ben hadn't  been invited to...

He had over stepped...

"I held your hand to see if I  felt ...something...I'm trying to understand...the dreams have been so...real. I  thought surely..." Rey  cut herself off turning away.

Ben cringed, "I  see...can we leave it at that for now...come on...let's swim."

Before she could  protest, Ben had tugged off his shirt and pants, socks and shoes.

 

Rey stared. His movements made very noticeable  muscles flex. She would seriously  have to be dead not to react.

He really was hot.

She debated, but once he was in the water ...she bit her lip and got in too. 

Wearing just  her bra and panties.

He didn't  push closer.

 

Ben smiled when he realized Rey had gotten in too.  He knew he needed to stop visiting her at night.  He'd  never regain her fragile trust if she figured it out.

Time.

He just needed time.

Maybe just one more time once they got back...maybe...

No.

One more ...then another... it wouldn't  help his situation. 

She needed to let him.

Want him to.

He could work with the dream concept...

Rey splashed at him. "You look deep in thought...should I  worry?"

"Never...just wondering how I  touched you in those dreams you mentioned. Made me curious." Ben prodded.

Rey groaned, "of course you're  curious...you did things...sexualish stuff....ok? Stuff I'm  not letting you do! Just so we're clear."

"Ok, I  won't  push, but if you want to talk about it we can. I  only know how I  feel on my side of this soulmate thing...maybe the dreams are happening to you because  you will feel called to me...later." Ben suggested. 

Rey nodded.  Swam in her little  circle.

A lot to think about...

A part of her wanted to reach out and test that theory...let him put his hands on her.

Fucking hormones.  She grumbled in her head.

 

The walk back had been uneventful.

The drive back to cabin, silent.

Ben chanced side glances but didn't  press her to talk more.

When she dozed off in the car, he held himself back from petting her leg.

 


	15. Branches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a tree grows big and tall, it sprouts strong branches ands leaves... flowers or bears fruit... but first it was just a seed...

"You're  older than me...you said 31?" Rey questioned as he dropped his pack on the living room floor. 

Ben nodded.

Rey took a seat at the kitchen table.

Ben wondered  why she was asking again. 

"You've  had girlfriends... and had sex..." Rey stated.

Ben nodded. Not sure where this was going.

"When you were my age...what were you like? Did you have a... first love?" Rey yanked off her shoes.

Ben sat across from her, "I  was ...awkward, unreasonablely angry and defensive, overwhelmed by my hormones and too easy to manipulate... and ungrateful  for my parent's protective side..."

He sighed.

"I thought love was a myth ...chose to get drunk and baked with a walking disaster of a girl who took my virginity...and most of my common sense..." Ben continued,  running his hand over his face.

Rey laughed, "no sugar coating ?"

"No point...I was foolish and it almost killed me. I  wish ...honestly  that I  had been brave enough to talk to good people in school besides Hux, he's  an exception,  ...I was  drowning myself with Bazine...it almost killed me. Someone like you...would have been nice... but I wouldn't  have known what to do anyway... back then..." Ben sulked.  

Rey wasn't  sure, "I  can't  feel sorry for you...but I'm trying to understand  why someone like you is clinging to this idea of me...of the soulmate thing... so hard. Like I'm  water and air to you... but you had a life...I  haven't  yet..."

Ben got it. He did. "I can see your side.  I  was young once... I  was young and stupid... I'm  older but I still make stupid decisions... you never stop learning..."

"So the disaster was your first?" Rey pried.

"Yes...my first kiss...my first bj... my first high...my first blackout drunk night and  fuck... I hid from real life with her whispering in my ear... and then lastly  overdose... she left me to die..." Ben tensed. 

It was sour in his belly, but if he wanted her to see him... truly see him...

"You left that behind you? And your parents?" Rey prodded further.

Ben took a deep breath, stood and paced, " I  did, I  wasn't  proud of my actions... I  had no idea who I  was... I  hurt people... felt a need to find my match... filled that need with the wrong things... I  have been aimless... trying to find myself...until that day...I  am sorry if it scared you..." 

Rey looked at this man. 

As he nervously  paced, hands shaking, he resembled a boy more...

"Why do your hands shake sometimes?" She asked.

"The drugs...just sometimes. I've been clean and sober a long time now though.  Hux helped me. And Satan's mistress...well, Hux said she died years ago...karma I  presume." He was amazed he felt nothing about her death other than peace somewhat...even now.

"Yes Rey...I  have lived my damn life.. a sad fucked up empty one... plenty of fucking one night stands. I've felt dead. My heart beat a mile a minute when it hit me that day...you..." Ben  shook his head. 

Rey got up and stood behind him at the counter. 

He expected some retort.

What he got was something different...

Rey placed one gentle hand on his back. "I'm sorry...for your pain."

Said so softly.

Like a gentle breeze across his mind.

Rey retreated out of the room, to her space. Closed the bedroom door.

Ben stared after her...

 

What was that?

Does this change anything?

 

Ben groaned, he was so tired...

He had not given her any melatonin  tonight...

He was not going to touch her again without her asking him to...

He was not a monster.

Despite himself he slammed his fist into the wall near the door. 

Cracking open his knuckles, he let them bleed.

He stormed off to his bathroom.

He needed to shower.

He needed to cum.

He needed some God damn sleep !

 

 


	16. No cake walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey laid in her bed, she knew she was thinking so loud Ben could probably hear it !

Rey  shifted.

Ben...

He had been so...blunt.

It had not been a real good recipe to entice her to be 'his'...

She'd  heard him punch the damn wall ...

But...

He'd also completely  forgotten  to lock her door too!

She could slip out...

And go?

 

Before she knew it, Rey was tip toeing out.

The dark hall...seemed intimidating. The deafening  silence of the whole cabin was...

Yet...

"Oh God ! ... Fucking...shit !" She heard him...breathless and moaning? "Ah...yes...yeah ..."

She froze. Slid down to sit on the floor against his door.

Listening. 

Ben was...oh fuck! Was he?!

 

"Oh fuck...Rey...so pretty...uh ...you ... need ...uh !" Ben yelled as he came. "Oh fucking damn...uh..."

His chest heaving. He just lay there sprawled out.

He pictured her being the one running her hands over him...it didn't  take much. 

He needed to fix that wall.

He needed to buy her something ...

He should call Hux tomorrow...

Fuck...he should call his mother...

He wiped his hand on his sheet,  leaving himself bare to the warm air of his room.

He was sweaty.

 

Rey didn't  move. He was just laying in there...going to sleep maybe? 

She thought of her dreams...had he been dreaming of her?

Her own hand drifted down.

Her folds were wet, his voice...his panting urgency...

She knew...

It was for her...it made her feel powerful.

His want. He was weak for her.

She could go in there right now...

Her fingers pulled at her nub, teased her entrance, knees widening...

He was on the other side of this door...spent...thinking of her...

She bit her lip.

This was so fucking wrong!

But...Rey had to admit a part of her...wanted to open his door...

She covered her mouth. 

 

Ben rolled over sighing.

His bed felt so empty. Previous nights  he'd  have gone in her room... kissed her skin...ran his fingers along the smooth warmth.

Jesus! His hand was just not enough...

Maybe she could want him too...

She had shown sympathy earlier...

 

Rey tensed as she felt it coil. Biting her palm hard she let herself go. She soaked her panties right there in the floor at his damn door...

She sat there a solid two minutes with her fingers still inside herself. Just breathing.

She quietly got up, hearing nothing from his side of the door, she crept back to her room. 

She would see if this no locked door thing would continue...

 

Ben didn't  get out of bed, if Rey was gone in the morning so be it... he let himself fall asleep...

 


	17. Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She slept in...he did not bother her...

Rey laid there.

The morning light crept in slowly... slivers sneaking through the boarded window.

She stared at it.

The little flickers dancing along her legs. 

With the rising sun came her shame...

It was absolutely  not why she hadn't left her bed...

She was definately not hiding from him...

She couldn't  have done...that....

Not thinking...not listening to ...

Him...

Oh but she had...shit.

"Damn it.." Rey  muttered pulling the blankets over her head.

 

 

Ben actually felt rejuvenated. He held a new resolve.

He would give her space to come to him. He wouldn't kiss her until she asked him to.

He'd  seen a new empathy in her. His past wasn't  pretty, but he had to answer her questions...

She wouldn't  let him in without seeing his ugliness...

He threw on a t-shirt  and jeans, headed out to make himself some much needed coffee.

It was so early, he quietly peeked in her her door...she was still there. Sleeping sound.

He released a relieved breath.

Closed the door.

 

Coffee!

Ben took his mug to the porch. The morning was a colorful  one.

Something brushed against his leg.

He glanced down. "Well hi."

A little ball of dirty fluff gazed up at him.

He set his mug on the railing. Bent down.

The trembling little creature was filthy.

"I guess you wandered a bit too far huh...I  got you. How about a nice warm sink bath and some milk?" Ben said softly.

The tiny kitten purred.

 

 

Rey smiled.

She watched him from the doorway.

He was talking to the kitten in the sink. Washing it gently.

He wrapped a towel around it, cuddled it to his chest. "There you go little one, all clean...how about some grub?"

He prepared a bowl, feeding it on the kitchen counter.

"I guess if I'm going to introduce you to Rey I'll  have to name you... let's see ...hmmmm..." Ben  leaned down whispering to it, petting it's  head as it lapped at the milk.

 

Rey stayed hidden...he was being sweet to it. She didn't  want to bring attention  away from the kitten.

 

"I think you look like a little trooper, tough, ...BB. Yeah, beautiful baby. Your fur it so pretty now that you're  clean sweet girl." Ben grinned. 

 

Rey smiled. She wanted to meet this side of him.

"You made a new friend, can I  meet them?" Rey asked.

Ben jumped, "oh hey, sorry...you startled me. Yeah, this little fur ball was on the porch this morning. I named her BB."

Rey giggled, "beautiful baby huh?"

"Yes, she is. I can be quite the sap..." Ben replied, blushing. The way she was looking at him... "cheesy I know. " 

Rey scooped up BB, cuddling her.

She'd always loved animals. "I wonder where her mother is? If she's  lost?"

"I  didn't  see a mom cat around, but we can keep  an eye out...take care of her.  I don't  mind sharing her with you...anything with you..." Ben's words were so inviting. Laced with hope.

Rey nodded, kissing the adorable purring thing on it's head. It closed it's eyes, sleepy. 

 

The rest of the day Ben observed Rey toting around their new houseguest. 

She smiled at him when he was near. 

He loved it.

He loved seeing Rey happy. 

 

After dinner Rey went to her room.

"Goodnight Ben, I'm going to let BB sleep with me if you don't care..." she said.

Ben smiled, "of course Rey, she seems to like you. I don't  mind at all. Goodnight..."

Rey disappeared behind her door. 

 

He wouldn't  be locking it tonight again... not ever again...

She needed him to trust her.

Every dream is a heart beat ...he was listening to his...

Rey was born to shine...she was lighting up his life...his heart. 

He wouldn't  feel guilty for wanting her so much...

 

 

 


	18. See her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey loved petting BB's soft fur, so grey almost silver. Her little white feet so cute. She could almost close her eyes and think of home.

Ben smiled  every time he saw Rey toting and chatting at the kitten, it warmed his blackened heart.

But that's what Rey had been doing... melting him. Her sweetness. Her innocent youth...

He was not innocent...long gone was his youth. His outlook cynical.

His selfish want. He coveted.

He didn't truly look at where this would go...he only wanted to keep that feeling he had when he saw her.  He was so scared to loose her in the shuffle of life. 

If he had simply walked away...let her continue existing in her world...

 

She cradled BB on the couch. 

He wondered if she had a loved pet at home...

 

What was he going to do? 

She deserved to go home...

Go to school...

Have her friends...

Her family...

Was he really just keeping her until she turned 18?

Marry her someday?

Rey wasn't reacting to him yet...

Ben needed to figure out something... anything...he just didn't  know how to approach her now. 

It was easier when she slept...when he let his fingers drift over her warm skin....his lips...inhaling her... a taste would be so...delicious.

He shook those thoughts away...

 

"Ben?" Her voice chipper.

He looked over.

Laughing. Rey was dangling a shoestring and the kitten was batting at it happily. 

He chuckled, "she's loving that ! Is that mine ?"

"Yeah, sorry. Can you...when you go to town next time, get BB toys and food? Some treats?" Rey requested. 

"Sure. Anything." Ben replied.

 

He wanted to reach out so badly. 

She was so beautiful. Adorable dimples every time she grinned down at the animal captivating her.

Captivating  him...

But...as much as he felt like she was... Rey was not his.

"Rey?..." Ben stood over her.

She turned up, "what?"

"I ...can we have a date? As if we just met, and I asked...no pressure... I  don't  expect anything... please?" Ben knew he sounded pathetic.

Rey sat up from the floor. "A date? Are you ? ... you're serious. You have me here...I eat with you every day."

"But it's not real...you don't  choose it... to spend time with me... " Ben explained.

Rey nodded, "fine...but I want wine."

"Done." Ben agreed without delay.

 

 


	19. Will you dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey noticed. When his bedroom door didn't quite close...

Ben shuffled from the shower, towel loose around his waist.

Hair still dripping a bit.

He pulled out a pair of pajama pants. 

The ceiling fan whirring cool air felt good against his hot skin.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow  was their date night. 

Ben was actually excited and nervous like a teen prepping for a first date.  

He supposed it actually  was for her...maybe. He hadn't  asked... whether her and that boy had actually  gone on a real date or just group friend things. 

He ran his fingers through his wet hair. 

It had to be perfect, not too overwhelming but impressive. 

He dropped the towel to the floor. Grabbed the pants to tug them on.

 

 

Rey was speechless. There he was in all his glory...glistening muscles from the shower...and when the damn towel dropped...

"Jesus..." Rey  breathed. She swallowed.

Ben was...gorgeous. Shirtless... then everything gone...his ass... God! 

She turned so pink. She had to be practically neon. But... she couldn't look away. Looking at him like a piece of meat...like she was hungry.

No...starved...

It was just like when she'd  heard him...but now...

But now she's seen him. He's definately a man...

Rey felt tense, she clenched her thighs. 

Tomorrow he wanted a real date...

Holy Christ... what if he tried to kiss her again...would she let him?

I mean he is not really so awful... he hasn't  hurt her... forced her. Well, except  for being here. But... it's not torture...

Rey bit her lip. Imagining running her hands over his chest...his abs. He looked so... firm.

His voice was so...

And his hands were probably so...

He  had been gentle with her when she hurt her ankle...

He always smelled so...

Rey sighed. "Fuck..."

He tugged his pajama pants up ...and Rey couldn't  help but feel disappointed. Then scolded herself. 

She was spying on him...again. He has been a gentleman, and she's spying.

He climbs into his bed with a huff. 

Rey wonders if he'll jerk off tonight...

Then wonders if he already did in the shower...

She stays still.

His lamp goes off. 

She can hear his breathing lightly.

Rey had to admit, she did like him. As hard as she tried not to...he was easy to like.

He grew on you.

His smile was nice. 

She could see him wrapping his arms around her...strong. Secure.

In her dreams his fingers ...hands... mouth did sinful things that made her so wet. What would it be like to really let him?

Rey shouldn't...but her curiosity was growing...

And how he was with little  BB...it had tugged at her heartstrings. 

Rey went to her room, he had not locked her in...he was trusting her not to just run from him...

Rey found herself smiling against her pillow as she snuggled with BB. Tomorrow could be fun...why not enjoy her hot kidnapper? 

He wasn't psycho... delusional maybe.

Would  he cook something fancy?

Offer her a dance to something romantic?

She asked for wine... would he take advantage or show he was a good man at heart?

She could test him...push him...

She was almost 17, she wasn't oblivious about adult shit...

Her mother got her on the birth control shot at 15 for safety. If things got too hot and heavy... maybe he'd be more easily encouraged  to let her go home...

She  wasn't  usually someone to manipulate... and he seemed sincere...

Her mind was still racing...she didn't  fall asleep as well lately  ...she used to at first here... maybe he was distracting her more now...

Ben...if he was holding her she probably would already be asleep... he would be petting her hair or back like she does BB. 

She can't  think like that...

He  might not be how he seems...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	20. You Look Wonderful  Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Candles. Check. Flowers. Check. Music Check. Dinner. Check. Wine. Check. Nervous as holy fuck.... Check !

Ben bought everything he needed to cook...he melted provolone cheese over stuffed chicken  breast filled with spinach  and mushrooms.  Angel hair spaghetti on the side. 

His mom made this. Rey liked pastas...

He bought a sweet wine...he didn't  think young Rey would enjoy something  bitter. 

 

He hummed as he cooked. Eric Clapton drifting in the background.

Ben could remember  seeing his dad twirling his mom around the kitchen  making her giggle. 

It had made younger Ben grin.

His dad softly singing in her ear... as much as they argued he loved her. Han joked often that he couldn't  imagine spending his life fighting with anyone else...

They could never keep their hands to themselves...

Ben came from firey parents... stubborn...but devoted... passionate...

And Rey...she was strong.

They would adore her...

But to meet her, ... he would have to call them...see them...

And... Rey would have to want to be with him.

He let the chicken finish baking and set out the daisies. He'd placed a simple vase in the center of the table. Candles on either side far enough not to burn the blooms. 

He noticed she kept picking them when they took walks... maybe a favorite?

Once the pasta was done he popped in the bread. Mixed the salad.

There was a nice chess pie for after. Bought. He wasn't  skilled with that...

He quickly ran to his room to shower and change.  Rey had been playing with BB outside earlier and then come in to take a nap...

He wondered if he should wake her or if she was already up.

Back in the kitchen he finished setting up the table. It looked good. 

Smelled delicious.

He wore a button up shirt, but just with jeans...he was still barefoot.

"Smells great Ben." Rey smiled from the doorway.

Ben smiled back, "um...thanks, yeah... hope you're hungry. Everything  is ready."

She seemed at ease,  so pretty in a tshirt and jeans herself...he noticed her blush when their eyes met. Matching him with her pink toes from her spa fun. His father and Hux could never know...

It made him sweat. "Well, um...have a seat...I  will grab you a glass of wine...just one though...I chilled it. I got a sweet kind."

Rey nodded. 

He caught her grinning as she glanced around.

It made him so happy. That he could make her excited about something  so simple. 

 

"It's all really good, who taught you?" Rey asked, taking a huge bite.

Ben chuckled, "well...my mom. She cooked a lot when she was home. As busy as they were, Sundays were our big family  meal nights. Always a huge spread... I  helped."

"My mom did ...every night, unless dad wanted to give her a break... fast food wasn't a big thing to us. Expensive and unhealthy... I  liked helping too. Especially desserts. I love decorating  cupcakes." Rey stuffed another big bite onto her fork.

Small talk.

BB had enjoyed her little dish of chicken on the floor. Purring happily with a full belly.

"You spoil her..." Rey teased. 

Ben nodded,  "I  do... because she's deserving of it."

Rey seemed to like the music, sipping her wine.

"Clapton huh?" She commented.

"Oh yeah, I  love all kinds, but Clapton... Cash ...Cohen... are relaxing... raw poetry." Ben stood up clearing the dishes.

Rey placed her hand on his, "how about you wait on that...and show me if you can dance..."

It was more than he'd  hoped for.

He was giddy.

He took her hand and guided her away from the table, his other hand found her waist. 

He brought her closer, but not pressing. 

He could smell  light perfume.

His heart raced.

 

_I feel wonderful tonight..._

 

They swayed and turned, closer.

Feet moving slowly.

 

_...And the wonder of it all, is you just don't  realize how much I love you..._

_...my darling...you were wonderful  tonight..._

 

Rey's eyes closed, her head tilting against his.  The wine made her feel light and warm. Cheeks pinked.

She let the music inside.

His cologne surrounded her...his gentle touch.

Rey couldn't  help it...

It was so ...soothing...

She felt like Belle... or Ariel...

Swept off her feet by a handsome  prince...

She leaned in...

His lips were so soft.

He let her, though she felt him shiver at the contact. 

...the euphoria  won out. The kiss deepened...a low moan from him.

 

Ben about lost control when her lips found his...

The way she got closer made him think she was walking a fine line right there with him...

Like a real couple...

Like a real date...

 

When the song ended they moved to the living room. He let her pick a movie. They didn't kiss again, but they sat close. She let him hold her hand. 

When she nodded off, Ben carried her to her room.  BB beside her.

He smiled to himself...it had gone so well...

He left a kiss on her cheek before heading to his own bed.

He hoped tomorrow  she would feel comfortable, ...not regret anything. 

 

 

 

 

 


	21. Sinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One moment Ben was balls deep in Bazine grunting closer and closer to climax as she ridiculed him...hand squeezing around her neck tighter ... tighter ...the next he felt like his heart was exploding ...

If he had expected  heaven... angels...  it wasn't  what he saw ...

It hurt so bad...he couldn't  catch his breath... his heart felt just gone!

His body sank into the ground... burning beneath foul black liquid that seeped into his gaping mouth... his ears... his nose...

Laughter echoed from some faceless being...

Telling him how weak and pathetic  he truly was... how hideous...

How no one would notice...

How hell would feast on his soul...

His skin melted off within the liquid... his eyes couldn't close...

Bones cracking...splintering ...

Ben reached up trying to find anything to pull him from where he drifted farther and farther down...

Hopeless...

Lost...

Broken...

No one loved him...

He meant nothing...

He was nothing...

Tears streaming over bone...

Silence screams from a lipless mouth...

Darker...down... acrid... stench... how disgusting he was...

He let go...

Feeling still.

Alone.

Was there no God to hold him?

No purgatory?

Was he so fucking useless?

Was his soul so dirty?

 

 

"Ben ! Ben !" Someone was yelling.

Where...?

No.

Mom?

No.

Rey?

Smack !

His cheek stung...

"Ben ! Oh my god ! There you are !" Hands holding his cheeks. Warm. Voice was... upset?

"Shit ! God damn it ! You cannot do that !" Lips kissed his..., "I  couldn't  wake you up ! You were thrashing and screaming like someone was killing you !"

Ben tried really hard to focus...

This ...was ...not... Bazine...

Still foggy, "Rey...?"

"Thank God...are you...ok? What was that?" Her face was tense, she looked...worried.

Ben took a few deep breaths, tried to sit up. Sore. He was sweaty, still trembling. "I'm...sorry. Nightmare... a bad one...from when I almost died. Happens ...sometimes."

"Shit...you looked like you were in like real agony in there. I  could not get you to open your eyes...what you were screaming? Shit Ben...it was terrifying..." Rey  wiped a few tears from her face. 

Ben reached out and pulled her against his chest, "I  promise I'm  ok, I'm  sorry you saw that..."

She nodded. Letting him hold her.

Feeling so warm and cared for he closed his eyes without meaning to assume anything...

But she didn't  try to leave. 

 

In the morning, Rey was still in his arms. He refused to move. 

This was a huge thing...big trust. 

He vaguely  remembered parts of his nightmare...

She'd  comforted him.  

She'd  let him hold her the rest of the night...

Plus how well the date had gone... the kiss...

He smiled.

He would stay just like this until she woke up and left him...not a second before.

She had chased his monsters away...

His hands didn't  travel farther than her back.

But the skin he could see was epic. Delightful.

He let his eyes drift back closed...after placing a gentle kiss to her hair.

Maybe she could want him...care...

Maybe...

 

 


	22. Well shit fire and save matches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey snuck out of his bed well close to noon... she couldn't believe they'd both slept so long...

Back within the confines of her own room, Rey sighed.

This man she should hate for taking her from everything... has become more and more human to her every day...

The little  things...

And then...

Her soul wept  for him last night...

It had shook her so badly, she had fallen  out of her own bed...the sound.

She'd ran into his room thinking he was being attacked...

And Lord help her...he was.

Some demon in his mind...ripping ... haunting ...

She had never seen something so horrific.

They'd  enjoyed a nice evening...his date he'd  wanted. She'd  placated... no harm done...

She'd  let her guard down... so taken by his kindness...his smile...

In the depths of darkness, stars high, she'd  gone to him like a savior...

Cried, shook him...begged him to wake...

Slapped him...kissed him...

Shit. 

Again...

And he'd  wrapped around her like a life line. She'd  wanted him to.

It didn't  change why she was here in the first place...but fuck!

His beautiful self...

He'd been in so much pain !

She'd  been so angry and hostile  about him stealing her from her life... how he'd  had one...

But...what had he had?

Shit fire and save fucking matches!

She couldn't  hate him....

She missed those arms and lips already...

What had he done to her?

She cried and punched her pillow.

 

Ben was not a monster.

He was just a boy...who became a man...

A man who needed love and meaning ...desperately...

And fuck her... he thought she was his answer!

Rey  wrung her hands.

Pulled her hair into a messy bun.

 

Maybe she was...

 

But how could she know?

She wasn't  ready for...this.

Now she shivered.

Cold.

Pulling the blanket around her, she could hear him in the kitchen...

Probably making lunch, being considerate...

She was so confused.

Rey was just a kid...would Ben... would he let her go if  she kept in touch? If they saw eachother... later?

If she swore?

He wouldn't  trust easily...

 

But she couldn't  just abandon  him... not now...

 

Not after seeing him truly real. Raw and splayed out to her...

Like a sacrifice...


	23. Timid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben knew she was hiding from him... he completely understood... but it still sucked. After sleeping contently in her arms, he wanted more.

Rey was in comfy clothes, hair still up in her messy bun.

But her nerves were shot.

She spied him in the the kitchen  doing just as she predicted, the smell of burgers on his little grill was  making her mouth water.

His t-shirt hugged his muscles.

His jeans just looked too good on him.

For a moment,  Rey felt like she was just a girl ...looking at a hot guy... that she really liked...

She swallowed.

But...

Ben wasn't  just some hot guy... he was a lot older than her...he was a broken man.

Someone with deep scars...

But...a big heart. She's seen it.

"Um... hi Ben." Rey greeted him timidly, pulling him from his task.

He grinned ear to ear, "hey !  I  got burgers almost done on my Forman grill, potatoe wedges,  and fruit. I  made some fresh lemonade  too."

He looked so pleased with himself.

"Sounds great... um... how you doing after last night? That was... a lot to think about. " Rey struggled with her words.

She didn't  want to put him on the spot...but...

"I know Rey, thankyou for ...helping me. I actually  haven't  had a nightmare like that in a while. I saw some pretty messed up shit when I overdosed... Bazine talked me into mixing drugs...I  didn't  question her like I should have.  Most of the time too drunk to think about possible  interaction  issues...or too angry or horny to care.  I thought I was in hell..." Ben's  face dropped as he explained. 

Rey nodded,  "I  can't  begin to understand  the draw of drugs...or drinking like that really... I  don't  party per say like some I  go to school  with...it doesn't  sound like I'm  missing anything..."

"You're  really not... it was stupid, careless...dangerous...I  was such a fool to listen to anything that bitch wanted me to do..." Ben  scowled.

He set plates out, started dishing  out their food. "Thankyou for trying to calm me down...it's hard to do on my own...I've been alone a while... "

"What about...ya know...the women you've  slept with?" Rey asked almost cringing.

Ben glanced at her, shamed, "they didn't  stay after...I  may have slept with them...but I never went to sleep in their arms...I  felt so safe with you..."

Rey was wide eyed, "oh..."

They sat down to eat.

Rey had so many thoughts running around in her head...

"It was ...nice waking up with you Ben...but honestly...it's scary.  I  am so much younger than you...I haven't  experienced  the good or bad things you have. I  haven't  been touched like that...like you want to touch me..." Rey  couldn't  look him in the eye. 

She could feel herself  turning pink.

"I  don't  expect you to give me more right now... I  really enjoyed being just close to you...I  felt happy...cared about...you are a good person Rey. I am so sorry I've done this to you...I  wish you were... older." Ben told her. His expression  pained. "I am thankful to have even felt you...I  thought I'd  never meet my soulmate."

Rey couldn't  help it... she smiled.

Ben was thankful  just being near her...

"You shouldn't  let your past hold you back...you should talk to your family...let them see who you are now..." Rey suggested.

Ben shook his head, "I'm not ready... yet. Besides, to talk to them... means introducing  you. You'll  leave me..."

Rey sighed, "I  have to go home Ben... but it doesn't mean we can't  know eachother...we could keep in contact..."

"Maybe... I  am not so sure you won't  turn away...when given the option of someone closer to your age..." Ben  replied.

Rey smiled, "I wouldn't...I like you. I  do. We just need to keep getting to know eachother..."

But Ben got up and left her there... he disappeared  out the front door.

Rey sighed...that wasn't  how she hoped it would go...

 

 

 


	24. Constrict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben didn't mean to stomp off like a petulant child... but he couldn't sit there... facing her...

No no no no no !

 

She was trying to convince him...

To let her go home.

He knew he should...

But things had gone so well...and now she's seen the ugliness...she didn't flinch away from it... she held him.

She was scared of this...of him...

So innocent  compared to him...

 

He paced on the porch.

Breathing erratic..."NO !"

His fist hit the post hard. He slammed it harder...again...again...

She couldn't  leave...

She'd forget!

He'd  feel alone again...cold... numb...

He thought about before...

No...that cannot be his life again...

He could...drug her...

Just enough so he could hold her... touch her...it would calm him... cool his boiling insides...

He stopped, closing his eyes remembering her warmth...soft skin...

Delicious.

NO!

He'd  promised himself not to be so weak again...she thought that was her dreams...no more weakness now...

He wouldn't  have her if he took her that way...

She'd truly see him as the monster he defied...who he refused to be. 

Defiling her...cruel.

Regret seeped in. Guilt for even considering it...when he fucked this girl... it would be when they both wanted and needed it so desperately...

She would see.

Fuck ! His hand hurt.

He sighed...but she was right.

He should talk to his mother... his father...

Step toward forgiveness...

Step toward redemption...

Toward keeping her...

Rey would understand.

When she feels the pull...the fire light within for him...

But til then...

He pulled his phone out...

It rang.

"Benjamin...?" The voice was shakey.

He fought back long held tears, "mom... I'm  so sorry... I  need help..."


	25. A mother's  love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God it ached to hear that voice... sadness and hope dripping from it... disbelief after his absence...

"Benjamin...are you...it's so good just to hear your voice son..." Leia stated.

Ben swallowed,  throat bobbing. "I'm...ok. Mostly. I  know you both have reasons to never forgive me... I  haven't  asked anything  of you since I left the hospital  so long ago..."

This was so much harder than he thought... he couldn't  imagine why they would want to hear from him after what he'd  done...how foul he'd  acted...

He'd  nearly killed Han...he acknowledged  the bitter taste of remorse. All his father had tried to do was save him...from himself...

"Son, we love you...we forgave you instantly. We've  been so worried..." She offered. 

"But...when I  went  in for rehab my funds were cut off? I never got them back? I couldn't  even pursue finding my soulmate!" Ben's  heart throbbing.

Leia sighed, " no honey, we didn't  want to fund your habits then... give that girl more money to dig your grave a second time... our intention  was always to give it back to you when you got clean... but then you vanished..."

"I ...did. I  suppose you weren't  wrong. I  have been clean a long time... just drinking a bit here and there. Hux kept in touch, came and found me a few times...he's helped me a lot... I  should have come home..." Ben confessed.

Leia sounded relieved,  "I'm  just glad you're  alive....that viper died you know... what do you need help with? You know that money hasn't  been touched, it's just waited for you...I  prayed you'd  come home."

"Hux told me...she was toxic, I  was foolish...blind. Good riddance. But actually, I  need to talk to dad...if he will let me...I  need his advice.." Ben worried.

"He's  right here Ben, he wants to help you if you need it...you made a mistake. Many. But we have too in our lives...we love you...nothing can ever change that..." Leia promised.

"Please...mom. May I talk to dad?" Ben asked feeling dread.

Han took the phone from his wife. "Son...I'm here. The past is long dead, I  have zero interest  in looking backward. Your mother says you need me, what do you need?"

"I wasn't expecting ...I  truly imagined you hated me...that you both did...I've missed you. I need your advice...when you met mom... over the years...could you have let her go if it meant her happiness?" Ben asked.

Han hummed, "Son, love is a gift. Precious. I  didn't  deserve your mother, but I  spent my life trying to. She gave me you...I'm thankful. She made me want to be a good man, earn the privilege  of loving her.  If she told me her happiness depended on me letting her go... well, yes... I  would have. Sometimes loving someone means sacrificing  what you want to give them what they need."

Ben could see the truth in that. "I found my soulmate dad...  completely by accident. But she's  ...too young still. She hasn't come of age to feel it yet..."

"Oh son! Leia, Ben met his soulmate! How old is she son?" Han prodded, "how did you meet? If she's not of age yet, did you make arrangements  with her and her parents?"

"Um...actually... no. I  stopped at a gas station, she was there with her parents. She's  just 16...when I saw her it hit me like a wall, I've done something egregious to her...I  was so scared I'd  never see her again... dad, I  took her..." Ben  was so ashamed to tell him.

Han groaned, "oh son...how long have you had her? Where are you keeping her? Please tell me you've  been patient, she's still so young. She won't  feel drawn to you like you do to her yet...you can't  keep the girl Ben."

"I  know...her name is Rey Andor. We've  been staying in a cabin I'm borrowing, not too awful long...but long enough that she misses home... I  know she's sad.  But we have...gotten closer... we even like eachother... she's  grown to care about me...I  know it... but I  also know what I need to do...I  just don't  know if I'm  strong enough... will you ...will you help me?" Ben begged.

"Of course Son..." his father replied.

Ben sighed, "I  need a favor too... mom said my funds are just on hold still. I  don't  want them for myself...can you and mom change it to be in Rey's  name? She should get to go to college where she wants...have anything she needs. I  want that...I  want her to explore all her options..."

"If you wish, it's your money. Andor... I will work on finding her family, so we can return her to her parents. I'm sure there's  a missing persons report...an amber alert.  In the mean time, just be careful, don't  do anything  with that girl you can't  take back...  you don't  want her to resent you son, you want her to forgive this I  assume... earn her trust? You will be lucky to stay out of jail." Han instructed. 

Ben couldn't  help but think of touching her skin...kissing her lips...

"Thankyou dad...call me when you find out. I  will ...figure out how to do this... I  won't  lie, I  only want to keep her here... but I  know it's  not best for her...she deserves a choice... even if I'm not what she chooses..." Ben stated, feeling unsteady but less guilty.

He desperately  needed her to choose him...

"That's  very noble of you... you have fallen in love with her. When you love someone their needs matter more than your own... I'm  proud of you. Your mother is too.  Be strong, I'll call you once we know..." Han assured him.

Ben felt his eyes dampen, his parents were proud of him...they didn't hate him...

They were going to help him...

 

When he went back inside he looked for her. He found Rey on the couch with BB, reading. 

Ben smiled,  she would be relieved... free of him...

But with what time he had left with her? Ben wasn't  sure what to do...


	26. If Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn answered the front door, "hello, can I help you?" Cassian close behind her, curious who the strangers were.

Leia held Han's hand.

Ben had taken a picture of Rey's id with his phone and sent it the them.  

As they promised, they'd sought out the Andor's home.

"Yes, but I believe we can help you more." Leia replied to Jyn, wearing her best reassuring smile.

Once inside, Cassian led them to the living room.

He sighed, "not to be rude, but why are you here?"

Han took the lead, "your daughter Rey...the police have no leads where she is?"

"No...they keep telling us she probably  just ran off rather than gotten kidnapped. Teenage rebellion... but we just can't accept that, our daughter was so excited about her friends and school activities...she hasn't contacted any of her friends! We asked her little boyfriend, he had no idea. She was taken, we just pray she's alive..." the man looked broken, deep circles under his eyes. Jyn took her husband's hand.

Leia tried to remain calm, but seeing the girl's  parent's pain... "well, that's  why we're  here. We have an education fund for her.  It is a vast trust she can access upon graduation, she can choose her college. You won't have a single item to worry about...the fund is rather...substantial. We only need your signatures as her parent's. When she comes home, it will be waiting for her."

"That's ...well that's amazing. It would make Rey so happy, we don't  make a lot of money so...her choices might have been limited, she was already considering student loans...but why? We don't  know you. And we...have no idea where Rey is..."Jyn replied. 

Cassian eyed them, "they know Jyn... they know where she is ..."

"Yes...we do." Han stated. "She... she is with our son. But he wants to bring her home, for her own good. He feels she needs to return to her life...but wants to ensure she makes the most of it. No limit to her opportunities. If you sign these papers, we can take you to them. Police can be involved or not...he left that up to you."

Jyn rose yelling, "is she ok? Did he kidnap her? He better not have hurt her!"

Cassian reached out, "dear, calm down. She is safe? Your son...how old is he...her age?"

Leia dreaded this part, "she is safe,  he would never hurt her...our son is older. He is 31. She... your daughter is his soulmate."

"What !? So your deranged son just fucking took her! Fine! We will sign it...but he's going to jail! He better not have touched her! I'll kill him myself!" Cassian bellowed.

Ben's parents understood.

Completely.

Jyn and Cassian signed the paperwork. Jyn called the police.

They were going to escort the Andors and the Solos to the cabin to retrieve Rey, arrest Ben.

Leia called their lawyer.

Leia hated it, but Ben told them not to fight it. 

Han patted her knee on the car, "it's  what he wanted honey..."

"I know...but it doesn't make it any easier..." Leia cried quietly on the way.


	27. A word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux sighed, "I'm glad you finally called them... I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances. Tell me you haven't jumped the poor girl while you held her captive in my damn cabin Solo?"

Ben frowned as he paced, he'd  called Hux as soon as he hung up with his dad. "No... I haven't. I  won't."

"Good...don't. How long do you have until your parents talk to hers? Until the police come?" Hux asked concerned.

"A week...I  begged them for a week. When they come she needs to go with them. My parents know what I want for her... they agreed to honor my wishes. Thankyou for always being there...I  should have gone home ...a long time ago." Ben explained,  Hux could hear his sorrow. 

"I'm  here Ben...whatever happens." Hux was a good friend, loyal.

Ben hung up and took three deep breaths. 

Stretched his fingers out, his hand hurt.

He went back in, washed his hand. Bandaged it.

He wanted to go into her room,  find solace against her skin...her blood screamed for him.

It physically ached not to touch her.

He glanced at the melatonin.

No.

He wouldn't  be weak... he wouldn't  touch her in her sleep.

She was going home. Where she belonged. 

He didn't deserve her.  He was a creep...damaged.

He was so fucking cruel to snatch her...think he could just have her.

She had rights.

The call to her didn't obligate her to him.

He couldn't  be blind to the darkness in his mind... deaf to his own fear...her anger...both of their doubts...

He was no suave or debonair prince sweeping her off her feet...

He was a mentally shattered man... survivor...

He was a kidnapper...he'd molested her... it didn't  matter that since then she's kissed him...touched him back...

He belonged on a pyre...burning alive within ...cleanzing his sins...

He'd  been so lonely...dying in the chasm...the void...

Numb in the mundane daily toiling.

But Rey...

He never knew someone could care so much about anyone...

How could anyone have such a big heart?

Have so much room inside it?

How had she found a place in that miraculous beating thing for him?

Pity?

Compassion?

But not love...

Bitter honesty was hard to swallow... 

His precarious situation sucked a big donkey cock...he scowled.

He was going to lose her...

But if you love something...you let it go...

If you want trust...you have give it...

You have to grow...change...

Life had a twisted sense of humor... putting his soulmate into someone so young...throwing her in his path like it had...

It should have left him to rot alone...

He tugged his shirt over his head as he went to his room...made his way in the dark to his bathroom to shower.

Under the spray he dreamed of a future he would lose in a matter of days...

But...

Rey would be whole.

She'd  be home.

She'd  be happy.

His tears joined the water sliding down his chest...

His payment paid in blood and tears. His money was going where it could invest in a future...he didn't  need it.

It left his hands empty, but his soul sated and full.

He flipped off the shower, brushed his teeth,  dried off, pulled boxers on...

Intending to fall face first into bed and let himself pass out.

Tomorrow  he'd  make her breakfast,  take her somewhere interesting. The rest of the week would be giving her positive memories of him before they came.

He hoped her parents  would let her keep BB.

Padding across his floor, he pulled the blanket up to climb in bed.

Only he couldn't...

There sleeping,  sound was Rey.

Ben gasped. What? Why ?

He hadn't noticed when he came in...

Well, not looked at his bed.

But now...

She wore a tank of light purple, sleep shorts of green stars.

Her hair askew, skin flushed from being warm under his covers.

He poked her shoulder.

"Rey?" She didn't stir. "Rey?"

Her eyes blinked up at him.  

He just stared.

Her hand reached up in his direction...

 


	28. Oh fuck  oh fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's hand reached out to him. Her big eyes blinking up sleepily.

"Rey...you should be in your room. Why are you...in mine?" Ben asked with little conviction behind the words. Still shocked she was laying in his bed. 

Rey sat up a bit. "I saw you after you stomped off...Ben you hurt yourself again getting mad. You punched the post. I fell asleep waiting  for you to come in."

Waiting?

She waited for him?

"I needed  a moment... I'm  sorry. The thought of you leaving...it's like acid flowing under my skin... it physically hurts to even consider it." Ben replied.

Rey cocked her head, he could see the wheels turning. "You've  thought about letting me go...more than once..."

"I have... " Ben breathed.

He saw it then...the light flash over her...the hope. 

She didn't want to be there with him...she just wanted to go home.

It was ok. 

He could do this...accept that. 

But while he was so utterly drifting in those thoughts...

Warm lips kissed his cheek,  his jaw...

His neck...

What...?

"Wait...Rey. You don't  want this... it's ok. I  don't  expect anything. You don't  need to convince me to...-" Ben was cut off by her mouth taking his.

Her hands slipped around his waist.

It felt so deviously good...

Maybe he was dreaming?

Already asleep  after his shower... wouldn't  be the first time he'd fantasized about her? 

Rey deepened the kiss, and he was too weak to reject the invitation. 

His own hand carded through her hair, the other hand pulling her against him tighter.

She moaned into his mouth. 

He could feel it. 

He was rock hard already...

The tank slipped off her shoulder easily,  revealing a warm soft mound of flesh...he left her lips to kiss down her neck to lick ...and suckle the rosey bud that had previously  been hidden.

So delicious....

He stood there at the edge of sanity trying to collect himself enough to know whether  this was real or fantasy...

He laid her back against his pillows...

His hands and mouth exploring her more fervently...

She was writhing below like a live wire.

Her tank yanked... gone now, his fingers played with the edge of her sleep shorts, when he sensed the soaked cloth he tugged it off her legs...growling when he found no panties hiding under them.

His mouth dipped down, coaxing her legs over his shoulders. 

He drank her. Swallowed her down like pure rain...life's water. Succulent and sweet.  Her silent cries...

Rey  wouldn't  supplicate herself to his whims...he lapped at her in his dream... yes...so sweet... he shivered as she trembled...

His tongue circled the bundle nerves...then sucked  hard... that push made her whole body tense... clench...

Rey was whimpering and moaning... her hands digging painfully  into his hair...

Yanking as she cried out.

He'd  made his dream cum...it was satisfactory...bliss...

Her face and breast blushed...a gorgeous  pink.

His fingers stroked along soaked velvety folds...making her hiss...

He kissed up her stomach, each breast again...up her throat.

Nudging her opening, desperately wanting inside...

He wanted to be her first so badly, she was grinding against his hand as his fingers worked fast and steady...in his dream he can be...

He could take it right now...

She was wide open for him... spreading her legs more,  arching into him...

Groaning he slid in carefully...his fingers rubbing her clit, his other hand kneading her ass as he pushed agonizingly slow...

She winced, tensed as he moved deeper...breaking that last bit...

Made her his... he stilled when he was completely buried. Taking her lips.

Reys eyes shut tight as he began steady thrusting, moaning... whining...

Ben felt so whole...snapping his hips quicker he lost his composure... he tried being gentle but now...now he was possessed...

Snap... snap ...snap against her warm thighs.

Kissing her probably  bruised mouth.

His cock victoriously devouring the cunt he craved.

Her chest heaving, heart drumming, her nails clawing at his arms...

 

He felt her convulse around his cock and he died inside...

...a beautiful death...

 

His eyes released tears he didn't  know were held back as he came deep inside her...

Rey nuzzled his neck, his own breathing fast and he hated pulling out of her...

He saw her blood on him...on his bed...

He stroked her face, leaving kisses. Pressed his forehead to hers. 

There were no words, but Ben felt  like his dream had given him a sense of peace.

He'd  never made love...he'd fucked... 

He'd  given himself to the unworthy or the unloved... because he wasn't  worth more than that...

But Rey, she deserved everything...

She could have him...he would willingly  feed her his soul...

He'd  made love to her...his soulmate...his missing half...

His blood sang...his mind quieted.

Rey let him hold her, place gentle kisses on her nose and cheek as he curled them up under his blankets.

He knew he would wake up alone, free of marks...and have to face Rey at breakfast in the morning...

But he couldn't  feel guilty...it was just a dream after all...

Tomorrow they would explore the woods a bit...take a walk. Maybe read and enjoy a picnic...

Yes. Rey would enjoy that.

Take BB along...sweet little furball.

Rey loved the kitten. 

Ben sighed against Rey's hair, letting  his eyes shut...

 

 


	29. Afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey winced, she was sore. Looking down at his still form, she smiled. She wasn't a virgin anymore...but her smile faded... why had she waited for him? Reached for him? Given it to him? She wasn't quite sure...but she couldn't hate him...

Rey ran her fingers through her hair.  

Ben slept sound. The sun not quite up yet.

He'd seemed dazed last night...so sad. She felt guilty for trying to convince him...

But then he'd admitted  it.

He thought about sending her home... letting her go...

She'd felt such joy, such gratitude...

All the building tension washed over her...all this time alone... seeing him...hearing him...the dreams of his mouth...his tongue...

She found herself wanting him...at least once...the 'what if's' taking control...

He'd almost argued against it... giving in...

He would feel guilty...she knew.

But she'd wanted it...

So badly...

And he had been...so wonderful...

It hurt at first but then...

but then...

Ben was tender, giving...he felt so good inside her...took his time...

Rey couldn't  help but wonder if it would be even more powerful when she could feel the call to him...

It didn't  matter right now...she was still underage... if he let her go?

He could be arrested...

If her parents..the police knew he'd  slept with her...

They could charge him...

Rey decided as she pet his cheek, she would lie...say he never touched her...

If he let her go...she would protect him...

He was really not a bad person...

He was gentle, attentive, thoughtful...

He cared for her... he'd suffered enough...

He... might even ...love her.

Rey wasn't sure about love...but she didn't want to hurt him.

She liked him...and she gave herself to him last night...he didn't make her.

He'd looked at her like she offered something truly priceless...cried.

Such emotion...she knew just fucking her wouldn't bring that out. It meant something  to him.

To her.

She kissed his cheek. Laid her head against his chest.

The sound of his heartbeat lulling her back to sleep.

She wasn't sure what was coming... 

But now...she couldn't just turn her back on the wounded boy...the man who deserved more than what he'd  been dealt.

They were connected.

 

 

 


	30. Lucid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben yawned and groggily moved to stretch. He'd overslept...he hoped Rey wasn't too annoyed. Maybe she scrounged her own breakfast...but the soft breathing he heard behind him gave him the answer...

Oh fuck...

No...

It wasn't  a dream...

Ben paled. His heart felt like it froze in his chest.

He'd  been beyond hazy when he took his shower...came to bed...

Overcome with the knowledge he decided to set her free. 

He was lucid now but then...he'd become drunk in her presence... gave in...so sure it was fantasy...

So she...?

She came to him?

Reached for him?

He carefully turned... loose chestnut locks framed her lovely face.  Her lips pursed. Chest slightly blushed.

Her hand...oh her hand...had been holding onto his hip in her sleep.

His movement took it from it's place. 

He studied her. She didn't look harmed, bruised, or decorated by dried tears... was it truly wanted? Had she spread to him like a real lover?

He could close his eyes and remember each touch and sound...

That was a dangerous path...

She would be leaving... this doesn't  change that.

But still...he gazed at the girl with reverence.

Like a holy thing.

He'd  never felt  so...

Last night meant something.

Fuck.

He crept out, pulled his boxers back on.  Tugged on a t-shirt.

He padded into the kitchen determined to fill her belly.

He mixed pancakes. Chopped strawberries.

Checked his phone.

His mother had found the Andors.

They'd  signed the paperwork, the lawyer took care of the rest.

Rey would receive every cent of his fund. On her 18th birthday she could go to college where she wanted, buy a car, enjoy a senior trip with her friends.

He wanted her to do whatever would make her happy. 

He smiled. 

He would take the blame. He would go to jail if he has to...to atone.

Rey would move on. But she would know he let her go.

"Ben?" Rey walked in, wearing one of his shirts.

Seeing her like that turned him on more than just ...

He let that train of thought go. "Hi.  Hungry?"

She nodded, "looks yummy... thanks."

She took a big bite after drowning her pancakes in syrup. 

He settled beside her eating his. "Rey...I'm sorry if you felt pressured to...do that with me. You're young, I've...done you a disservice keeping you like this..."

"Don't ! Ben, I came in there and waited for you knowing full well what I wanted...I needed you... I  needed to see..." Rey stated.

Ben saw no dishonesty in her features, her eyes full of compassion. "Ok... but there are things we need to discuss... about moving forward..."

"I assumed so...I guess this isn't  where we'll stay?" Rey asked.

Ben nodded,  "no...actually we are leaving on Friday. I'm  not sure how that will go yet."

Rey took a sip of juice, "so Friday... um can you get me books where we go next so I can still study? Maybe if I show I  won't betray you... I  can earn a tablet or laptop to use for school...later ? I will want at least a GED eventually..."

Ben stared at her.  Surely she didn't think he'd... "I'll  consider it. Your family is probably still looking for you...worried. We will have to decide how you want to ease their stress..."

"Write a letter ? A phone call?" She offered.

Ben shrugged, "we can decide after Friday...after we eat let's pack a picnic. I want to take you to explore Hux's  property more...take a long walk. Sound ok? We can bring BB." 

Rey smiled, "yeah, I'll find her.  She kinda vanished when we...when we got so active...found somewhere quieter to sleep."

Ben finished his food, washed his dish. Washed the pans. Rey gave him hers.

She tilted up and kissed his cheek as she set her plate and fork in the sink.

Ben closed his eyes. Her lips felt so good.

When she was gone, he sighed. He couldn't  regret anything...but he can't  get used to her new affections...it wouldn't  continue...

Friday wasn't  far away.

She would be happy. She would let her parents hug and hold her. The police would take him away and his parents would be there...

He wouldn't  shatter. He would hold his head high.

He tinkered around packing their lunch. He tucked his phone in his pocket.

He would indulge  himself...a few pictures if she let him...something to cling to when he was alone. He'd get his mom to print them.

Four days more...

 


	31. Fuck you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **** coming soon...****
> 
> "No offense, but fuck you Mr. Solo ! You and your wife basically bought our fucking daughter for your psychotic son in what? ...hopes we wouldn't press charges! If he touched one hair on her head I'll kill that motherfucker ! You wouldn't even tell us where to find her until we signed your damn paperwork...at least she'll get something out of this bullshit..." Cassian was still fuming, pacing in the detective's office. Han understood, the whole situation was a clusterfuck of mental gymnastics.

Han sat holding Leia's hand, detective  Knox tried and failed to calm Cassian Andor down. 

Emotions running high.

They'd called the police after the conversation  at the Andor's home.

The police had brought them all to the station.

Leia's lawyer met them there.

The police were listening, but Cassian's calmer demeanor  escalated  into pissed off by the time the detective arrived.

"Mr.Andor, please take a seat.  The Solo's are here to help us find your daughter.  They haven't  asked for leniency for their son...according to them he doesn't  care what happens to him. Just that Rey is brought home...that you allow her to take that fund. It's not such a bad shift of events...he owes her." Detective Knox paused, "I will allow you to come with us to retrieve  her from the cabin,  but you must remain behind my men. "

Jyn clutched his hand, still crying." Cass please, I just want our baby girl home. Leia says he thinks Rey is his...soulmate...that he wouldn't  hurt her. You know how powerful the call can be...it makes you irrational. Just remember how we met..."

"I ...I know sweetheart, but he's  had her all this time. If he's... touched her..." Cassian rubbed his forehead.

"Ben says they've gotten to know eachother...but it's been neutral. She doesn't  feel the call yet because of her... age. But he feels guilty for freaking out...taking her out of fear. He was overwhelmed. He cares about her future, he doesn't  want to hold her back from it." Leia told them.

Then Knox sighed, "It  doesn't  change the fact that your son kidnapped an underage girl. And I'm sorry, if he committed  any ... acts with her,  the Andors can file charges for rape as well."

Han nodded,  "Ben understands the possibilities he faces. He just wants to make this right."

Knox made arrangements. 

Ben had hoped to keep her with him until Friday, it was Wednesday now. 

Han texted Ben about how it went with her parents, the police.

Ben replied that he wasn't  backing out...or running.

Rey was ok...they were closer now. He hoped she'd  stay in contact with him once she went home. 

...wherever he ended up.

Hux was going to testify on his behalf if needed.

He would agree to a psych evail...

Anything...

Han prayed his son kept his dick in his pants...but he knew it wasn't  likely. The girl was pretty...if they have gotten closer...she could have felt things too.

But he kept those thoughts to himself.

Leia gently talked with Jyn... Cassian seemed less likely to implode.

 

* * *

 

 

When Friday morning  came, it was bittersweet.

The police surrounded the cabin. Ready.

Han and Leia, Jyn and Cassian sat in the squad cars waiting.

Detective  Knox stood at the front door, knocked.

When Ben answered he didn't  look surprised  or afraid...not a hint of anger. 

He merely called to Rey to come to the porch with BB, and knelt on the floor, hands on his head at the detective's feet. 

Leia and Han's hearts went to him. He was still their son...

 

 


	32. Little bit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***before...***
> 
> Ben held her hand, guiding her back to the cabin. Their walk...the picnic... had been so pleasant. He could almost forget how they got here.

Rey was quiet, Ben didn't  press. 

He was simply content to be allowed this.

Simple sweetness.

Trust. 

She had followed him throughout the woods, no hesitantation... no fear.

He kissed her palm at the spot where he'd  wanted to have their meal.

They observed the trees rustling, enjoyed the warm sunshine.

Their leftovers put back in his pack, she'd  laid against  his broad chest on the blanket he'd  brought.

One of his arms carding through her hair, the other behind his head.

She breathed him in. He enjoyed her comfort.

He felt his mind slip into serene stillness. He could die now and die happy in the little bit he'd  been blessed with.

She couldn't  bring herself  to ask the thousands of questions that were knocking around in her head...

Rey just wanted his hands and the sound of his heartbeat. 

As they made the trek back he kept opening his mouth to speak ...but just couldn't. 

In the cabin they parted briefly. 

At dinner later the silence was deafening. 

As they washed the dishes, Ben felt so good.

This was soothing, the ebb and flow.... homey.

Rey was home. To Ben. 

The monsters at war within him... the burning pain ...

It was receeding.

He set the dish towel down. Turned to her. With a startled squeak he kissed her.

Starving for another taste...

In his room he found a song in his heart as he devoured  her...

Her moans  and whimpers only made his tongue and fingers work harder. Her thighs spread wide.

She would remember  him...

As she crashed, her fingers tugged his locks so hard he winced.

But it was a good pain.

 Real.

This was real.

He wanted Rey to feel worshipped...

His little  goddess...the guardian  of his lost soul...

The keeper of his heart...

In her small hands he was safe...

He could suffer...and be grateful for this.

Rey keened again, panting and hot.

She held tears in her creases. Gazing at him with heavy lids.

Ben trailed his vast hands up and down her young body with a tenderness he never thought himself  capable  of.

Words weren't  given to them today...tonight...

But...

Their eyes...their mouths...their hands...

...spoke volumes...

A happy death...

 

 


	33. Counting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning was filled with a tinge of laughter. Rey wanted to make pancakes but in shapes. Ben found it adorable

Rey's  eyes lit up as she showed him her smiling pancake "look! He's  so happy to be eaten !"

Ben chuckled, "so were you !"

He teased knowing she'd  turn 10 shades of pink.

She definately did. 

Ben continued shaping his. A plain o' square. "Look a house."

"Weak...you didn't  even give it a roof!" Rey taunted.

Ben stuck his tongue out.

Rey giggled, "don't  do that unless you intend to use it !"

Ben growled.

Breakfast burned as he enjoyed her on the kitchen table instead...

Rey lay there panting hard as he kissed up her stomach trying to recover, her sleep shorts laying on the floor.

His mouth sought her neck, his hands kneading each breast gently. 

He wanted to inhale her. Memorize every inch...every detail.

Her smell.

Her sounds.

He wanted to crawl into her arms and stay.

He thumbed her clit as he widened her legs...pancakes black and forgotten. 

He slid inside as she gasped against his lips. 

Slow thrusts, petting her hip, nuzzling her cheek."I  know this is so much for you...but you have taken me over...I  love you Rey..." he breathed out.

Rey kissed him soundly.  

She couldnt feel anything  right now but the sensations he was giving her.  "Oh Ben..." 

Pistoning into her he made her cry out, her nails dig into his back. A good pain... electric...consuming...

Ben collapsed over her as he released.  Groaning and brow damp. "Cereal then...?" He muttered.

Rey giggled. "I suppose  since you ruined my pancakes..."

"No no...that mouth of yours did when it commented I shouldn't stick my tongue out unless I'm going to use it..." he held her close pulling her up to stand with him.

She coaxed him into half cleaning up the kitchen, sharing a bowl of fruity pebbles, and taking a hot bath together. 

They chatted about nothing. She told him all about her friends, her classes.

He shared his darker moments after he left the hospital...

His fear...the lonliness...the dance with death...the emptiness even in crowds or holed up between someone's  legs...buried at the bottom of a bottle...

The nothing...

Then he described  the day he felt her...as he washed her hair.

How his whole being felt pulled... his blood...his bones...how much light surrounded her...

He saw hope and possibilities  in her eyes...and touching her made him feel truly alive...human...

His words hit her at her core.

She leaned  back as he rinsed her hair and wanted it to be true...

 

 

 


	34. Out and about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wednesday made Ben brave. He decided to take Rey to town.

He thought she looked so beautiful  in the light dress she wore. Hair loose. 

She smiled as they sat down in the diner to eat brunch. 

"Thankyou...I  know having me out like this worries you...I'm not going to say anything...not going to run." Rey tried to assure him.

She saw him nod and give her a slight smile. But she didn't miss how his hands were cletching and he kept glancing around. 

She patted his knee under the table,  he took a deep breath.

They enjoyed omelets  and berries.

Rey asked him questions about when he was young. Then more about Bazine and his teenage years. 

Rey told him about family vacations, her favorite  music. He asked about her friends more and a little  about Roderick. 

Rey sighed, "I kinda wonder now  if I  just liked the idea of him...we are all friends. I've  always had a crush... but now...I  don't think I could kiss him"

Ben grinned, "because  of me?"

"Yeah...you've changed things. But it's  hard...I miss them and school. " Rey frowned.

They left the diner hand in hand.

It made Ben feel less self conscious.

He took her into all the little  shops to explore.

She found the whole effort sweet.

She got a t-shirt and a magnet.

He bought her a necklace  at the last shop. A bit of leather with a silver leaf and pearl.

She blushed as he attached it.

He knew he had two more days.

He got a text from his father that afternoon...Han letting him know what was coming with Rey's parents ...the police.

That night Rey made him lay still so she could look him over to her heart's  content.  

She kissed him where she wanted, traced her fingers over his muscles and scars. 

He made love to her slow and sweet when she finally  allowed it.

He watched her as she slept.

 

Thursday  was a lazy day... watching movie after movie in their pajamas, wrapped in a quilt eating popcorn. 

Rey asked for spaghetti. 

They shared a shower before bed, taking their time washing eachother.  

Knowing tomorrow was the day she'd  leave he kissed her under the water. Urgency hit him and he couldn't  help taking her against  the shower wall.

Rey wasn't  sure what it was but she felt something  was... off.

His mouth traced over her body in his bed making her moan and writhe.

He didn't  fuck her again...but he used every weapon in his arsenal to make her cum again and again until she was oversenstive... exhausted. 

Spent.

He pet her hair and kissed her temple when she fell asleep. 

"It's  for the best...but you have my soul...my heart. I love you..." Ben whispered as she dreamed.

 

 


	35. Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian watched from the car as the police moved closer. He wondered what they would find after months with this man...would his daughter want to be found? He held Jyn's hand. His wife already had tears in her eyes. The discussions between lawyers had taken it's toll the previous day... now they just wanted to put their arms around Rey. They wanted the man to pay for this.

Ben threaded his fingers with hers, the sun was barely yawning in the horizon...it might be 6 in the morning.

Maybe ...

He had no idea when the police would show up.

Rey mumbled. Nuzzling closer when he adjusted. 

God she was so beautiful. Youth and a fertile mind to grow.

She could be anything...do anything ... her whole future was open with options. 

 

She gave him this gift...he could love someone.

 

Ben Solo could love...

Truly...

Madly...

Deeply...

He could be deliriously  happy...

He could feel passion...obession...

The feelings humanity can't  live without...

He has been sewing the earth for a possible happy ending...if all goes well...he will reap the rewards of her... a good life. 

Ben kissed her temple, her chin...

She cut him to the bone with a simple glance. 

To his knees...

Ben would fall happily to his knees for her...

It feels so right...it scares him.

Lighting striking in his gut. 

 

When they come...

Oh when they come...he will kneel, he will accept his fate. She will live her life. 

And then...if later she still wants him...

 

He shook his head.

No. That train of thought was not helpful. 

When they come...he'll be cuffed, hauled off. 

He'll  be placed in a cell.

He could be fined $50,000 or more...probation...or 20 years in prison...

Felony...

Could be 10 years...

Could be 5 years...

Lando was a good lawyer...they had the money to handle this quietly ...

A year confined, counseling, fines...

The Andor's lawyer could be less skilled...

But...he would take whatever happened...

Rey would go home...to loving parents and friends...

He kissed her throat...nudged her legs.

"Mmmm...Ben?" Rey ran her hand up his side, "again?" She whispered with a giggle. Kissed his shoulder.

He answered by capturing her lips, straddling her.

He made love to her this time as the sun crept in, as the dawn danced along her skin.

She whimpered as he stroked, moaned as he thrust within. 

Ben let silent tears slide down his cheek as she climaxed.

He dove in harder, faster chasing his own bliss. 

Rey called out. Sighing loud in his ear, "please Ben..." He held her like she could break...

Like a prayer her words lifted him to heaven...she was his heaven...

No...not his...

She was her own.

In a matter of hours she would be out of his arms...his sight...

He spilled into her...he felt like his heart bled for the pain coming. But in that sublime moment she was the entire universe. "I love you... I love you...my gentle storm...you have my heart...my love..."

He stayed in her as he softened, kissing her deep.

Pet her hair.

They showered and dressed.

Rey helped him make eggs and sausage. 

They were sitting at the table eating, Rey sneaking sausage to BB when he heard the knock.

Rey gave him wide eyes. 

"Probably a neighbor or something..." Ben stated, left the table to check the door.

He saw the man.

He recognized his stance. Officer.

He sighed.

Opened the door.

Knelt.  Raised his hands to his head.  Called to Rey.

 

 

 


	36. Sought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey stepped to the door frame, timid and confused. She saw the cuffs in man's hand... Ben kneeling.

Rey looked at him, "Who are you? What are you doing here?"

Her flat tone startled detective Knox. 

Her hand reached...

Her hand touching Ben's face made him concerned.

The look on her face was warm.

Not afraid...

Not relieved to see the officers...

She was so...surprised and reluctant to step forward.

Body language  tense...

"I'm detective Knox, your parents are in my car...as Mr. Solo's are in another car...we are here to rescue you..." he explained. 

Rey nodded, glanced down at Ben who kept his own eyes down... mouth shut. "Who said I needed rescuing? He hasn't...hurt me."

"Be that as it may, you were taken against your will...you are a minor. Your parents are here. They want him arrested..." Knox replied. 

Rey sighed, "I don't want him arrested. He's become... my friend. He's not a bad man..."

"He's your kidnapper...you are suffering from Stockholm syndrome. You will feel better after some counseling and time at home, once you get back to your real life Rey." Knox motioned and two officer's came forward, taking the now cuffed Ben. 

Ret held BB close. Her eyes leaking as he was dragged the the closest patrol car. Door closed behind him.

Jyn came running with Cassian. Arms wrapping around their baby girl. Weeping with joy.

"My baby, are you ok? The ambulance  is here too, they want to have you examined. At the hospital they can do a rape kit...-" Jyn started.

Rey cut her off, "no mother... I don't want that...or need that. Ben ...he never touched me. He just wanted me to get to know him. He is convinced  I'm  his soulmate...he made a reckless bad decision. I was angry at first, but he is not a bad person...I'll go to the hospital if you want, but there's no reason for the other..."

Jyn hugged her daughter close, "ok baby, let's get you out of here...we can talk about it when we get there...we were so worried, missed you so much."

Cassian  took her hand, "honey, I realize this is a lot, but you don't  owe this man your loyalty...he has to pay for what he's done. We love you, we just want you home ...healthy ...happy. The police will need your statement..."

He father kissed her temple.

Rey broke down finally, sobbing into his shoulder as Ben was driven away.

Leia and Han were being taken with him. Their lawyer meeting them there. 

Rey carried BB to the ambulance, her mother rode with her. She wouldn't  let them take the kitten.

She was torn. 

She couldn't catch her breath.

She'd seen a future of Ben...clear and solid. But now... 

Grief snuck into her mind...

Absence felt...

She felt like he betrayed her by not telling her...

He let her go.

He went willingly.

He held a grace in that submission.

Respectful.

This obtuse thing...she wasn't sure what it was now. Was she just manipulated? Was it real?

But really...Rey had forgiven Ben for going with them before the car he was in disappeared from her sight...

But the painful ache...the empty hole he left...

It was a tragic sinking into herself... so this is love?

...she wondered and kissed BB's head. Comforted by her purring.


	37. Across

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lando cleared his throat. He sat across from Ben at the police station.

"Ben, well...I won't beat around the bush. Her parents want you to be punished. But...the girl herself, amazely won't speak against you. The only thing she agrees on is you did originally take her against her will." Lando laid out.

Ben shrugged, "it's true. I felt the call...she is my soulmate. I didn't think...I panicked... I took her. I didn't  know her...I  thought if I didn't  she would be lost to me. I couldn't  bare it Lando."

Lando sighed, "her refusal to stamp you as a scary predator works in your favor, but...legally you did the crime.  You are just lucky you didn't  rape her...well sleep with her. A rape charge would make this worse."

Ben had heard all of it already... from his parents...from the detective...

Rey refused to allow the doctor who examined her at the hospital to do a rape kit, standing by her statement that he never touched her.

Lando explained worse case scenarios and best case scenarios.

The fact was Ben commited a crime, 1st or 2nd degree kidnapping held different outcomes. Aggravated kidnapping could lead to 20 years.

Rey was released safely, she had no injuries and claimed no sexual assault took place which could lead to only 5-10 years.

Leia knew important people, but Ben insisted she let the outcome be left to the courts. No interference.

Han encouraged her to support him. He didn't  want money to matter.

Ben needed their love not judgement. 

Best case scenario Ben knew could be given probation after serving 1 year. Pay $15,000 or more.

Or serve a mere 6-12 months since he had no prior record in this area... yet his past could be an issue. He was a minor when the incident with his father happened.

Han hadn't  not pressed charges. So it could be rejected.

 

Lando came every day to keep Ben appraised.

Han and Leia  wanted Ben to feel loved.

Rey was sequestered with her family, and a counselor evaluated  her.

One came to evaluate  him too.

 

Ben wondered how she was.

He sat in his cell. 

Stared at the less than unique peeling paint and dismal bars. 

He closed damp eyes in the miniscule  light and concentrated on her...trying to immerse himself in remembering her voice, her scent, her form. 

She could've let him fry...

He hoped she forgave him. 

But ...more than that he desperately wished he could hear her moan in his ear, and feel her heart race at his touch.

 

How had she spent her days?

Has she seen her friends?

Has that boy been to see her yet?

How would he feel when he saw her in court?

 

If you do nothing but prepare for your future, you miss out on living your life...Ben prayed Rey was out living hers...

That would make him smile.

He felt no regret. Except wishing he'd  lived his life better...been more thankful... 

Dreams could still be realized.

It physically  hurt being away from her. But he wanted...needed her to find happiness no mattered how court went for him. 

1 ...20 years...

Rey's  happiness was all he wanted for himself...

With or without him...

 

 

 

 

 


	38. Songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We've missed you Rey. Everybody at school prayed they'd find you." Rose hugged her.

Rey hadn't  wanted to see anyone right away. Her mother let her stay out of school.

Rose and Kaydel were finally allowed over to visit. But Roderick wasn't.

"It had to have been so scary..." Rose sat with Rey on her bedroom floor.

Rey sighed, "it...was. But...he wasn't  all bad. He was actually... nice."

Rey scratched BB's ears, Rose smiled. "Roderick tried to come by, your mom made him leave."

"She told me." Rey replied. "I'm  not ready for that."

Kaydel pulled her hair up, "your buddy was definitely  hotter than Rod, and apparently  that family  is fucking loaded."

"Kay!" Rose fussed. 

Rey smiled, "it's ok Rose, he ...was. They are. But they're also people..."

"So he gave you that necklace? The kitten too?" Kaydel asked.

"Yeah, ...was nice." Rey looked down at BB curled in her lap.

The friends switched to doing face masks and nails.

Rey thought of Ben painting hers...their matching pink toes... smiled.

Kaydel flipped on the radio.

Dancing around Rey's room.

A few songs later, and one came on that made Rey still. She couldn't remember the singer's name...

 

_I look up from the ground,_

_To see your sad and teary eyes,_

_You look away from me,_

_And I see there's something you're trying to hide,_

_And I reach for your hand but it's  cold,_

 

Rey laid back onto her carpet. Rose and Kaydel did too. Humming along. She dug ger toes into the plush carpet.

 

_You pull away again,_

_And I wonder what's on your mind,_

_And then you say to me you made a dumb mistake,_

_You start to tremble and your voice begins to break,_

_You say the cigarettes on the counter weren't  your friend's,_

_They were my mate's,_

_And I  feel the color draining from my face,_

 

Rey stroked BB's fur. Thinking of breakfasts and laughter...tears and moments with Ben...walks and chess...movies and the underground pool...

 

_And my friend said,_

_"I  know you love her, but it's over mate,_

_It doesn't matter, put the phone away,_

_It's  never easy to walk away, let her go,_

_It'll be ok, "_

 

Rey saw his face. Hovering over her as his hands slid over her skin. She missed those hands... The  glow of his eyes as they bore into her,... the way he held her.

 

_So I  still look back at all the messeges you'd sent,_

_And I  know it wasn't  right, but it was fucking with my head,_

_And everything  deleted like the past, yeah, it was gone,_

_And when I  touched your face, I  could tell you're  moving on,_

_But it's not the fact you kissed him yesterday,_

_It's  the feeling of betrayl, that I  just can't  seem to shake,_

_And everything I know tells me that I should walk away,_

_But I just want to stay,_

 

Rey remembered the wild flowers. How he watched her so excited in the field full of them. The fresh scent...the way he'd  add them to the table at dinner...just because.

 

_And my friend said,_

_"I  know you love her, but it's over, mate,_

_It doesn't  matter, put the phone away, let her go,_

_It'll  be ok,_

_It's gonna hurt for a bit of time,_

_So bottoms up, let's forget tonight,_

_You'll  find another and you'll  be fine,_

_Let her go,_

 

 

Rey  felt alone even with her two friends beside her. Her mind hearing the lyrics and hearing Ben's  voice singing...hearing his pain... his loss of her. She remembered going to him the night of his nightmare... how scared she'd  been for him...she was scared for him now. He was sitting alone in a cell...needing her.

 

_But nothing heals the past like time,_

_And they can't steal,_

_The love you're born to find,_

_But nothing heals the past like time,_

_And they can't  steal,_

_The love you're  born to find,_

_It'll  be alright...._

_It'll  be alright...._

_It'll  be alright...._

 

 

If Ben  really was her soulmate... was he the love she was born to find? 

Did fate put them both at that gas station?

Could she live with him going to prison?

Could she prevent it?

She sang along to the song feeling empty. She wanted him. He needed her. 

No one would understand...

The doctors think he tricked her... preyed on her naivety. 

Her parents weren't  convinced he didn't  touch her.

But she didn't  care. Weeks separated felt like eons. 

He gained nothing by letting her go... turning himself in ...he loved her. He was trying  to prove it.

He thought it was what she wanted...it's what she kept asking for after all...

Kaydel switched it to another station, an upbeat song came on. Rose  tried to cheer her up. Telling her about all the gossip she missed.

Rey listened.

But it was half hearted. 

Her fingers played with the bit of leather, the metal leaf, the pearl... his gift.

Could she live her life like he'd never had her?

 

 

 

 

 

 


	39. Deafening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben mostly sat as he waited in his cell. He exercised some...but his time just seemed endless...quiet. Court went slow, he wore suits. His parents visited between court dates, Hux came. Lando was a good lawyer, his assistant found soulmate clauses that would be helpful to his case. He could withstand this process. He heard Rey was still seeing a counselor, and had finally returned to school. He was good with that.

"The fact is the gas station attendant does remember him for being there, but not taking her. No one actually saw him take her. There's no security footage. Ben admits to taking her, she says he did. She claims no assault or injury. Soulmates are called to eachother... there's scientific  evidence to back that. Ben and Rey tested positive as a match... they are soulmates biologically. " Lando went over the basics with Leia and Han.

"So he has a legal basis and defense for losing himself  in the moment?" Leia asked.

Lando nodded,  "yes and no...he can plead temporary  insanity for being overwhelmed  by the call of her blood.  But, he kept her for months. That demonstrates intent after the fact. She admits fearing him at first, being bound. It was later they became closer and he granted her more freedoms. Her counselor  feels she is leaving things out, so does Ben's..."

"You think he...did things to her or with her?" Han replied. In his mind he already thought his son had. "You think he manipulated the girl?"

Lando shrugged,  "I do...I  think it went beyond what she will ever admit. He has her loyalty. She refuses to speak against him, she actually  requested to speak for his defense. Her parents are frustrated. The fact is he did kidnap her... he admitted it. She stated it. Ben giving her back doesn't  erase the crime commited."

"What is the clause your assistant  found?" Leia prodded, hopeful.

"Well, soulmates are biological. It's historically sound basis.  In the past, the male took the female bound to him when her blood called to him to ensure no one else could interfere. As his right. Bloodwork at birth helps society find eachother  now in a less barbaric  way, but some never find their soulmate. It can be argued he only did as biology intended, and since he didn't  harm her he has rights too. Her age can be argued as his only real offense." Lando laid it out for them.

Leia held Han's  hand, "the girl's parents can request he be kept from her can't they?"

"Yes and no. Legally, Ben has the right as her soulmate to sue for his right to court her after she turns 18. Well, if he isn't in jail. She has the right to choose him once she's  of age and can feel the call to him. Or she can turn him away...but her parents don't decide. They can't." Lando  showed them a file about a case he could use to support Ben's  claim.

Han interjected, "we know the worse case scenario...what is the best case scenario?"

"Ben could plead guilty to kidnapping. Her statement  to the judge on his behalf will impact the judge's  decision on sentencing. Instead of 10-20 years he could serve a year or less, pay high fines, agree to more counseling  and be required  to keep his distance from young Rey until she is of age. He would be able to appeal and possibly  get get out early if he behaves. But he would be on probation. It would be on his record,  but if she accepts him as her soulmate it can be scrubbed off the books. There's  a lot of if's." Lando explained.  He sighed, "would Ben  agree to all that?"

"Maybe...he just wants her happy. He feels like taking her was wrong, he won't  say he didn't." Leia pointed out. "Thankyou for coming and helping my friend."

"Of course Leia." Lando patted her knee, gave Han a reassuring smile." I  am going to go talk this over with Ben then meet with the Andor's lawyer.  A meeting with the judge can prevent this case from continuing to drag out."

He left them.

Leia cried, she worried about Ben... Rey too. The girl was coping, but would she really speak for Ben? 

She wished she knew what was coming.

 


	40. Daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey rung her hands, her father was still pushing questions at her after months. He didn't believe her...and her requesting to testify on Ben's behalf wasn't helping. He kept pressing the counselor assigned to her, their lawyer...to talk some sense into her.

"Daddy, I  know you don't understand  why I need to do this for him, but he's  not a bad man... he's not a real criminal.  He doesn't  belong in prison!" Rey begged him to listen.

Cassian scowled, "honey I  love you, but I  know he's  brainwashed  you somehow into protecting him! I  know he touched you and you won't  admit it! You are only hurting yourself by trusting that predator!"

Rey nodded, "I see your side... I do. I  see mom's  view too. But you don't  know what he's been through... I got to know him. Yes, it was wrong that he took me. But dad, what would you have done to be with mom? He felt the call...isn't that hard to ignore?"

Her father felt hollowed out by her words. "I ...would've lost my mind without your mother.  We were lucky Alec didn't fight it at the wedding... he was actually  happy for us...he loved us both.  He met his true soulmate  years later."

Rey got off her bed and inched closer. "see...it's not so black and white...what will it take? I will feel the call to him, but it will be my choice then...that's why he asked his parents to tell you where I was. It hurt him to let me go...But he wants me to be happy."

"You're so young honey, I just think he took advantage of having you alone for so long...I'm supposed to care...it's my job to protect you. " Cassian sighed.

Rey smiled, gave him a reassuring hug, "I know daddy, but I'm  ok. I promise. You don't  trust Ben...his motives, but you raised me...trust me. Please."

He kissed the top of her head. 

"He has to answer for his crime honey, but I'm listening...I  want you to feel heard." He loves her so much.

 

Rey left for school with her mother. 

Rose caught a ride. People at school  weren't  pestering Rey as much with questions.

Roderick had been dating Jessika, but kept trying to get Rey alone. 

Rey found ways around it...she just couldn't  face him after letting Ben kiss her... lick her... touch her ...fuck her... she worried he could see it on her face.

She still fantasized  about Ben at night while she touched her own folds. She felt guilty, was he doing it too...thinking of her in his cell... gripping himself?

"Um. Hi Roderick,  I  really can't talk. Late to class." Rey tried to go around him.

He smirked, "I know you aren't miss innocent Rey... I won't tell anyone, but you will give me time...soon or I can share what I know...that you spread your legs for Solo..." 

He caged her in at her locker, his face way closer to hers than she wanted... "soon Rey."

She practically  ran from him.

She had court the next day, her interview  with the judge. She was nervous.

Would Ben be there?


	41. Reflect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey ran from him, tears falling. He'd been so nice before... never made moves. But now...Roderick was crude... just an ass! Rey hid in the girl's room until she calmed down. "What a prick..." she muttered. He's probably been fucking other girls this whole time... she felt disgusted.

Rey promised herself if Roderick or any other guy tried to corner her again...she'd kick them in the balls or bust their nose...no hesitation. 

She cleaned her face, straightened  her hair.

She had another class.

Ben crossed her mind...she wasn't sure if she'd see him in court. Her interview with judge was only supposed  to be with him and the lawyers, so maybe not. 

Her parents had let her keep BB. The kitty had made herself at home.

Rey cuddled the ball of fluff wishing big arms held her.

Was it true?

Could people...tell she'd  fucked him? 

Roderick  acted like he knew...or maybe he was fishing...hoping she'd  spread her legs for him.

Jackass...

Ben had not said a word about anything intimate...her either.

Her counselor stressed the need for new healthy relationships. To enjoy being young again.

Rey was trying. 

But it wasn't  that simple.

She liked his touch...Ben's words of love and want...

She craved to understand him. Feel the call herself.

He would've punched Roderick. Scooped her up and ...

Rey sighed.

That was not helping.

She stared out the window  in class daydreaming. 

Rey wondered if she could check on him...see him. Would his mother speak with her?

Her mom had Leia's number... 

The two mothers had somewhat  bonded over the past couple of months. The same could not be said for Han  and Cassian. 

Cassian was severely against a future with Ben...

Han encouraged the idea.

Rey remembered  how much her dad liked Roderick,  maybe he wouldn't  now. Maybe Ben would look better...

She went to bed that night going over and over her statement.

...over and over. 

It could curse Ben or cure him of his fate.

 

 

 


	42. Burst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sulked in the car, her father was driving her to the courthouse. He'd insisted. She figured he would try to change her mind on the way.

Rey sighed and huffed listening  to her father berate her. 

Then she snapped. 

"Enough ! Dad, I know you love me and you're  worried  he hurt me... or will hurt me...but you don't  understand.  Ben won't." Rey stared at her lap, " you like Roderick... but that's  not going to happen."

Cassian scowled, "you two were doing so well...before. He still is trying to date you... he told me--"

Rey cut him off, " Dad ! Roderick  has been a dick since I came home. He immediately  hooked up with someone... maybe several  someones while  I  was gone. He's  been saying crude...stuff to me at school,  trying stuff because  he thinks I  slept with Ben...he is a danger to me ! Not Ben !"

Her father looked defeated, " I  ... I  am so sorry honey. I  had no idea..."

"Then listen to me ...let me follow my gut  about Ben. Please?  Trust me... even if you don't  trust him." Rey fought back tears.

Cassian sighed. "Ok...but just keep your mind open to other possibilities  too...not just him. And...if that little  shithead at school  does anything  else...I'll deal with him."

"I love you daddy..." Rey beamed. 

"You are my heart honey, I  just want you safe, healthy, and happy. I  love you so much..." Cassian  tried to give her a reassuring smile. 

The courthouse came into view.

Rey swallowed.

She could do this.

She prayed for the right words.

 

 


	43. Judge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's expression when Rey was brought into the courtroom was fear and joy...

Ben saw the love of his life timidly being guided closer and closer to the front of the courtroom. 

He was ecstatic  to see her...ached to touch her but he was scared for her too.

She was here to speak for his defense... Lando had been surprised.  But said that his supposed 'victim' speaking up for him was a good thing.

"Mr. Calrissian, Mr. Raven, you will join me in my chambers with Miss Andor...she has a few words to speak for the defense. While it is a bit unorthodox, this is a special situation." Judge Yoda stated.

Lando assured Ben that Judge Yoda  was fair. He'd  known Keylon Yoda  for years and never seen him mistreat anyone if they presented a good case. His sentencing was never overboard or cruel.

Rey briefly locked eyes with Ben as they disappeared  behind closed doors,  and out of his sight.

She had looked so sweet. Just as beautiful. Nervous...like him.

His mother told him Rey had asked how he was. 

 

 

"Now Miss Andor, you requested this interview.  I understand  the circumstances are unique. I  will listen. I  have heard both sides, the defense plead their case...the prosecution  has a strong basis against Mr. Solo." He took a seat at his desk.

Lando and Charles took their seats.

A young woman sat nearby ready to take down Rey's  words.

Rey nodded,  cleared her throat. "I know my parents didn't  encourage  this...Ben and his family didn't  ask me to speak for him. But I  needed to..."

"I granted the request, your test results proved you and Mr Solo are in fact soulmates...that is not up for debate.  What is,  is that you are underage, and he simply took you ...and had you for months. Kidnapping  is a serious charge. You told the police there was no assault...it does not erase his crime." Judge Yoda replied.

Rey nodded, "yes...I  understand. I  can't  feel the same call he does to me... to him ...yet. But I know a soulmate call is deep...powerful. It's in the blood, bone, heart, mind... I feel bad he was overwhelmed by it. He made a rash decision...and tried to make up for it with kindness...and eventually  returning me. That should speak for his character... he could have just kept me. He chose to let me go home." 

She continued,  "he admitted his mistake, I  don't  feel he is a danger to me...to anyone...he is at the root of him, a good man who's  suffered in his younger years. He was terrified  of never finding me again... fear can outweigh rational judgement.  We are all human... who in this room hasn't made a mistake?"

Charles Revan shifted in his seat.

Lando grinned.

"I am young, but I can think for myself. That man in there could have raped me, hurt me...I  could not have stopped him. He instead talked with me, listened, fed and cared for me. I  was not his prisoner... I  became his friend... and I  feel we are more...could be more later." Rey sighed.

Judge Yoda glanced at the two lawyers,  "the clause you present Mr. Calrissian does hold firm, as his soulmate she has rights as well. He falls under her rights." He turned back to her, "Though, you fight very fiercely for a man who almost killed his own father Miss Andor...he has a record of drugs and violence. You are a 16 year old child...most would say he has probably  brainwashed you into thinking you want this ...him... in your life. He commited  a crime..."

Rey stood firm, "I have been raised to see beyond the obvious. To give forgiveness, he corrected his lapse... he gave me back. "

"I am drawn to two quotes judge, ...  'I want to be your soulmate, even if I don't  believe  in them.' by Colleen Hoover and 'you come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.' by Sam Keen." Rey threw the words out like a weapon. "Ben Solo is not perfect...he is a damaged, broken human being trying to piece himself  back together. I  don't  feel the call to him yet...not biologically. But I do in my mind... my heart...my spirit...he is my soulmate. I  don't  want him severely punished...it would punish me...and I've commited  no crime."

The office grew so still and quiet you could cut the air with a knife.

All 3 men were at a loss...

"Well...that was not what any of us expected I  believe. No, young lady, you have not committed any crime. I  will take your words to heart,  I  believe Mr. Calrissian, Mr. Revan, and myself have much to discuss.  In addition, I think I  will interview Mr. Solo myself. He has not tried to defend himself, I  want to hear his words as I've  heard yours. Bailiff, bring me Mr.Solo. Mr.Revan, I will call for you when we are done. Miss Andor can return to wait with her parents." The judge dismissed her and the prosecutor.

Rey passed Ben in the hall.

His eyes lit up at the sight of her. 

Rey's mind swam with memories, she wanted him to kiss her...touch her...the sight of him in cuffs broke her heart.

She hoped the judge truly heard her.

It was Ben's  turn, but he wasn't fighting for his freedom really...

Would he now?

Now that he knows she tried?

 


	44. Loathe myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben knew... it was his turn. He had not planned to defend his actions to the judge. He owned what he'd done. He committed a crime. If he was locked up Rey could live her life...

Rey deserved it.

Not being shackled to him for almost two years...

If you love them ...let them go...

 

"Mr. Solo, your lawyer informed me you declined the opportunity  to defend yourself.  " Judge Yoda stated. 

Ben nodded,  "yes Sir, I  won't  plead innocent to a crime I  did commit. I  refuse to say it was ok for me, a grown ass man, to kidnap a 16 year old girl." 

The judge grinned, "well, that's  refreshing. Your lawyer has actually  presented a good defense for you, despite your plea of guilty. And that young lady....well...she asked to speak for you. An interesting  turn of events...she's a spirited girl."

Ben  wasn't sure  what Rey  said. But apparently  she'd  left quite the impression. 

"She is, and kind. I  was wrong to  impose my wants on her. She has a life to live before committing  to me ...or anyone." Ben finally replied.

"As it stands I'm inclined to agree with young Rey, she knows your past...she feels you are sincere in your remorse... I  do feel you should  answer  for kidnapping  her." The judge sighed, " that being said...tell me how you felt when  saw her at that gas station...and what made you feel  the need to let her go? No one knew it was you...you had her..."

"I  honestly  have never felt anything like it...everything in me felt pulled to her. It physically  hurt when I  realized if she left I might not find her again... I  should have handled it so differently. I  could have introduced myself to her parents...anything. But...our time together was so...enlightening. I've never felt such happiness ...serenity ...getting to know her has been a privilege  that I want to be worthy of. I  need to answer for my crime...atone...and if she chooses me in the future...I'll spend my existence making her happy. If not... I  will never bother that beautiful  hunan being again. I've put funds in place for her future, it's  a start for my penance. I  just want her happy...I  do not care what happens  to me..." Ben looked the judge in the eye as he expressed  his feelings.

The judge smirked, "well, she held herself in a mature way here, she believes  in you. I  see true remorse in your eyes son. I  will not drag this out longer than it already  has been...you will hear your sentence soon. Until then, you should thank everything you hold holy that she does. Good day to you  Mr. Solo. Mr.Calrissian, you may take him back to the courtroom. "

The bailiff escorted them out.  Ben was eventually taken back to his cell. 

Ben felt empty as he saw Rey leave. 

So long, if he went away... he would miss every feature of her.

He would know his fate soon...

Rey would find out what he'd  had his parents do...

He smiled. 

She would be ok. 

Hopefully  she would  want him... later.

But if not...he was at peace with that.


	45. Lick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Staring at the ceiling in the dark can fuck with the mind... it plays tricks... the demons dance with the devil and the angel on your shoulder...

A soft voice echoes that he wasn't  completely honest about their time together  alone...

That he touched her every night as she slept... for a while...

That his guilt ate him alive...

That he kissed her...

That he touched himself thinking of being inside her...

That she ...kissed him...thinking him such a gentleman.

That she eventually allowed him to... bury himself within. How he craved it now...

She defended him...that wouldn't  have happened if she knew... everything.

He groaned...

But...he made it right. She was home.

He will take whatever the judge decides in stride. He won't  bitch or moan...no pouting.

He will take it. She will move on.

If fate truly wants him to have his soulmate...

It will happen.

 

He recalls words from an old poetry book he'd  found years ago...

_" There are some wars_

_a_ _man should never be afraid to lose._

_One is the loss that comes from loving_

_whether in the lightning or in the dark."_

He couldn't  remember the author's name, but it fit somehow with how he felt. 

He was losing this war. But it was a good loss...he realized he could love...

He loved Rey...

In the lightning...the  struggles...

In the dark...this unknown future dangling above his head like a guillotine. 

There was fear. Of course.

Encountering her had altered the course for  him permanently...he could no sooner walk away from her that day months ago than stop breathing...

God help him...he made the resolution to be a better man whether Rey loved him or not...

Simply because she gifted him with loving her...

But for her to choose him...

Ah ...yes that would be...ideal.

He would not be the coward... not shy away...

His heart would swell, palpitations taking over. He would aim to be her hero...her lover...her friend...and adore every second.

A prodigal thought cleansing his mind, her kiss...the catalyst for evolution.

Benjamin Solo loved another being more than himself...

He finally understood.

No malice. 

No strife.

No punishment  to take his soul searching  for hers.

Will she feel this call?

Will she face him and see?

She'd  worn the necklace to court...

He smiled.

Darkness can have him...Rey held his heart safe.

He'd  handed it to her. It was hers not his own...

He bristled.

The judge would  decide where his wait would take place...but hours or years wouldn't  kill this.

Rey...

His...no not his yet...

She would be ok and thrive.

His parents were to inform her after sentencing...about the fund and his wishes.

He let his heavy lids close after glancing at the pictures from his phone his mother printed for him.

From their outings...fond memories. 

Sleep could have him. He needed it before tomorrow.

 

 

 

 


	46. Many futures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey held her breath as she listened to the judge explain Ben's sentence. Ben looked calm and collected, she couldn't believe it. She was nervous for him. She sat between her parents and his. They looked just as worried. Leia reached over taking Rey's hand, "whatever he says Rey, Ben will be fine."

"After reviewing all the evidence, listening to Ms. Andor and Mr. Solo's statements, and conversing with Mr. Revan I've  made my decision." Judge Yoda stated.

 

Ben swallowed, he was trying not to show how truly scared he was.

Right now he'd  find out how long he'd  be away from her...

"Mr. Solo please stand." The judge ordered, "I  have decided that despite the fact that you returned young Ms. Andor, you still commited  a crime. That cannot be ignored. But in light of her statement and yours I feel a reduced sentence is applicable. You will serve 5 years, with the option to appeal after one year. Upon release,  you will be required to see a therapist once a month and you will be on probation. In light of it being proven you are soulmates, Ms. Andor will decide if she pursues time with you after her 18th birthday. You are to pay court costs and fines, in addition to restitution to Ms.Andor, which your lawyer informed me you agreed to and made arrangements prior with her parents. The agreement was acceptable  to the court."

Ben straightened, "yes Sir."

"Bailiff take Mr. Solo into custody." The judge ordered. 

 

Rey watched Ben being taken away. It hurt to see him go.

She wanted him to turn back, look at her.  But he didn't.

She asked Leia, "what restitution  was the judge talking about?"

"Ben had money set aside for his future, for college. When he left we saved it for him. He decided you should have it. It was a stipulation of your parents receiving your location,  that they sign the paperwork giving you the fund on your 18th birthday.  He wanted you to be able to go where you wanted, perhaps get a decent car, take a good senior trip. Rey, he just wants you to really experience  everything.  He regrets taking you, but is so thankful he found you." Leia explained. 

Jyn cleared her throat, "yes, we agreed. Rey, it's  your decision  whether you use it or not, but it is in your name. But he does owe you. Your father and I  want you to find yourself...you couldn't have  done that staying locked away with that man."

"I  ...have to think about it. Will I  be allowed to write Ben or see him while he's  locked up?" Rey questioned.

Jyn shook her head, "I  don't  think you should honey, but it is your decision.  I  think you are allowed, because of your soulmate status, you can ask Mr. Revan."

Rey sighed. 

Ben was going to feel very alone now. He'd  told her it would hurt be away from her.  

After what they'd shared...could she really just...?

"I plan to ask." Rey stated and left the courtroom.

She needed air, she needed away from her mother.

Ben wasn't  bad.

He wasn't  a monster.

He loved her.

And she...

Did she?

Nothing would be the same now. 

He was still there. In her mind.

She was not who she was.

He would possibly  be out of jail before her 18th birthday...or after.

How would she feel seeing him then...after?

The way he described  the call...

Rey sat heself under a large tree and just cried. 

 

 


	47. Tally marks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben glanced at the scratches he'd made on the wall of his prison cell. He sighed.

"Well Solo, I am glad to see you're  still in one piece." Hux greeted at the visitor's table. "I'm  sorry it's  been so long between  visits."

"You're good my friend, I am really  glad you came. Mom and dad come every other week. People mostly  leave  me alone here." Ben replied.

Hux smirked, "you are kind of a house of a man Ben, intimidating."

Ben chuckled,  "until they realize I'm about as violent as a teddy bear now.  Therapy has helped me face a lot of my demons, I  haven't had a nightmare in months."

"That amazing. I brought you some new books, and the guard said you can eat these cookies from my wife in here." Hux shoved a box towards Ben.

Hux told him what his family had been up to, asked all about Ben's experiences since his last visit.

"Have you heard from the girl yet?" Hux asked. He knew Ben thought about her constantly.

Ben stared down at the table top, "no...6 months...nothing. But her parents could be keeping her away...for her own good. I gave her my blessing by doing what I  did...if she's  living her young life out there ...can I even be mad?"

"No I suppose, but it doesn't mean it doesn't  hurt. I  can see that it does. Your mom hear from her?" Hux wondered.

"Actually  yes, mom sends me pictures. Rey had been over there alot. Mom says Jyn encouraged it so Rey could learn as much about my past as she could. Mom says Rey  has been busy with school activities  and friends, but hasn't  heard anything  about a boyfriend." Ben stated. "Hux, I just want her happy. If she was sitting around waiting for me she wouldn't be. "

"Very noble of you...times almost up, I'll be back in a couple weeks." Hux hugged him when he left. 

 

Ben looked at the books Hux brought when he got back in his cell.

 He'd  requested shelves in his cell  2 months before since he had so many. After his parents made a sizeable  donation, he got shelves. 

He used a picture of Rey as his bookmark. It was of Rey and BB sitting on his mom's  porch. Her hair was shorter. BB was bigger, a big o' puff ball.

He liked that Rey went there.  Maybe she wasn't  here, but he wasn't  forgotten. 

 When lights went out that evening, he did what he did often...

He imagined her above him, touching him...rubbing his cock instead his own hands. Her increased breathing...her fluttering lashes...her pretty little tits boucing for him...

He remembered  the sound of her moan...the clench of her heat around him...it made him cum hard every time. 

Breathless, he wiped his hand and stomach  off.

God he missed her warm, smooth skin...

Kissing her.

6 months... another 6 months and he can appeal...

He'd been behaving, model prisoner. He went to see his therapist here. He treated all the staff well. 

When he'd heard about one of the guard's children having medical issues...about the money problems... he'd gotten word to his mom to help if possible. Chad was so thankful, he watched out for Ben.

The warden would grant his appeal. He had to. He couldn't be away from her for 5 years...

Would he feel it when she came of age?

He had many questions...

He closed his eyes, the image of her curled into his side...breathing in her scent...seemed so real.

He needed her...he felt so wrong away from her. It ached so bad so deep inside.

 


	48. Wished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After court Rey's father asked her to wait before she contacted or visited Ben...to give herself time to think, reflect, absorb everything. He told her to let herself be just Rey for a while, she could still go see or talk to Leia and Han if she wanted, they didn't live that far away it turned out. If Ben had remained at home they may have even crossed paths at some point. Rey saw a counselor as per her mother's request, her parents still weren't convinced Ben hadn't manipulated her into speaking for him. She decided the start a journal that night...she would give it to Ben in the future...he would know all about her daily things and how she felt with him away. She hid it behind her bookcase. No one would know.

Her 17th birthday was a big deal,  only because her parents just wanted to show her how much they missed her.  

Her birthday was close to Halloween,  the 27th, so she asked for a costume party since they insisted on something big. 

She was a cat.

She made her costume. Fluffy tail, glittery fluffy ears. She made a fluffy tutu with shear tool and fluff like her tail. 

She would add a picture of herself  in it to her journal.

She'd added so many.

She drew things, and glued dried flowers, fall leaves now...

She scribbled  quotes  in it she came across, song lyrics that made her think of him, or that she just liked. 

She felt like she was sitting across from him chatting as she wrote.

At night sometimes her mind wandered, into fantasy and desires... she would let them out onto the paper.

She blushed at her own thoughts. Her memories that no one but them knew about.

 

She danced with her friends, Rose had dressed up as a pirate to match her boyfriend Clark and Kaydel was a rockstar. 

Roderick had not been invited.  

He had backed off at school finally. He father had discussed the situation with the principal. They'd held a meeting with Roderick and his parents, came to an understanding. Roderick's mother had been disgusted with his behavior towards Rey. 

Her mom took a picture of Rey and her friends in front of the apple bobbing station. Rey's big smile was sincere.

Her parents kept refilling the snack table, Rey had been tickled at the themed food...spider cupcakes, mummy pretzels...eyeball grapes... gut pasta... blood punch...and more.

She felt special.  Loved.

Another year and she'd  be 18...

 

Then as she escaped into her room from the crowd of kids, just for a moment... she wondered if Ben was thinking of her. If the prison did anything for Halloween. 

Hux had visited Ben often, Leia told her.

Her and Han went almost weekly. 

She wanted to go, but really she wasn't  ready to see him in person. 

She took in several deep breaths, ... to see Ben and not be allowed to kiss him or reach out like she would want to... it would be too much. 

Torture. 

She regained herself. Smiled as she moved through her guests. She noticed a gift on the table from Leia and Han.

And one from...

Ben.

Shit ! Rey couldn't  contain her excitement. 

He hadn't  wrote her.  He was told to let her contact him first. 

But this...

Technically it wasn't a breach.

"He sent it with his mother, "Jyn  told Rey, "I know it means alot to you. I  wasn't going to deny you it on your birthday sweetie. You've  been doing so well at school and getting out so much. We love you. We are so proud of you. You can open it or save it or throw it away...it's not our choice to make it's  yours...your father  understands."

Rey felt tears prickle, "thankyou mom, I  love you guys. The party has been so great. I ... I  want to open it later when everyone is gone I think. Will you stick it in my room on my desk?" 

"Sure sweetie, we are going to do the cake soon. So be ready." Her mom kissed her cheek and gave her a gentle smile taking the package from her. 

 

Rey blew out her candles, she didn't  make a wish. She knew what she wanted.

She laughed at some of her gifts, and loved the clothes her parents got her. 

She opened Leia and Han's gift last. It was a small box, when she looked inside ahe got confused... a key?

"They left the rest of it outside honey, " Cassian cut in, "they didn't  want you to have to wait until your 18th  birthday to have access to that fund to get this." 

Everyone followed her and her father out back behind their house. "It's a brand new 2019 Ford Focus, silver. They hoped you'd  like the color, but that can be changed if you want." 

Rey was speechless. She squealed and jumped. Hugged her mom and dad. 

She would have to go see Leia  and Han and thank them properly. 

She ran over and jumped inside, exploring.  

This was so cool.

Everything was so smooth and smelled nice and new. 

The key ring had a pink heart on it. She looked closer and it had a phrase on it. 

 

' _you have my heart.'_

 

Rey beamed, Ben truly was an enigma.  Even separated he could touch her so deeply. So he'd  been in on her getting a car early.

Her joy seeped down her cheeks contradicting the giant smile on her face. 

She knew what she'd  be writing in her journal  tonight. "Mom take my picture in my new car please!"

 

After everyone left she took a seat on her bed, she unwrapped Ben's  gift.

Inside was a set of small earrings, little diamond stars. 

Rey grinned. 

She took her ghost earrings out,  replacing them with the stars. 

The little note inside was what caught her heart strings. 

 

**_Rey,_ **

**_I hope you enjoyed your birthday surprises mom helped me arrange. The earrings made me think of our time gazing at the stars together, your stories. You are my star. You shine brighter than anything in the heavens. Happy Birthday._ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Ben_ **

 

Rey smiled.

She took a selfie with her phone. She would put it and the picture of her car in her journal with what she wrote. 

She texted Leia the pictures too.

Asking her to show Ben how much she loved her gifts. And thanking them, asking if she could visit for dinner the following week.

"Happy birthday to me..." Rey muttered.

 

 

 

 


	49. Visceral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ******this chapter may upset/ but it’s about Ben’s learning process... he needs to understand what equals real intimacy-he’s used to being used. Rey does not use him. She makes him feel.... more. Be patient with the angst. Thanks ! Rey’s initial reaction away from him about it in next chapter. ********
> 
> Ben adored the pictures his mother brought him from Rey’s birthday. Rey was 17. She looked cute in her cat costume, sexy in the car they got her...his breath hitched when he got to the selfie of her with her new earrings on. He also noticed the necklace from their time together still decorated her beautiful neck. He sighed. One at a time, hanging each picture. He would be staring at these tonight as he fell asleep...probably before as he jerked off remembering her wet cunt wrapped around him. It was a visceral hunger now...

It wasn’t uncommon for men stuck together like this to fuck, no women... tired of their own hand. It didn’t make them gay...

Not that it was a horrible to be...

Ben didn’t judge.

He knew the guards looked the other way often.

Ben was propositioned several times... he declined each man who asked or attempted... but after 8 months of nightly dates with his palm ...he broke down one afternoon. One man seemed safe after discussing why the man was asking. 

Lewis was feminine but still open about not being gay...the man missed his wife. He’d told Ben he would do certain things if Ben wanted him to...just to get release... and companionship. He didn’t want Ben to do them to him...he just needed to serve someone ...safely. It got him off.

Ben had scoffed...

But one afternoon in the laundry facility Lewis had coaxed him into letting him suck him off...Ben ended up fucking him against a wall in a darker area. 

They had an understanding. Ben would close his eyes and imagine Rey’s mouth or pussy...Lewis thought of his wife. Apparently Lewis’s wife liked to peg him sometimes...he missed it. Giving that power over to the woman he loved.

Humans adapt...Ben kept Lewis safe as well...no one messed with Ben. And now he had a friend to talk to. 

They shared pictures and stories... swapped books. Lewis would be there another year or so...he didn’t want to discuss why. Ben respected it. Didn’t press.

Lewis explained that she wanted to come see him, but they had twins and their home was actually pretty far. They wrote constantly and talked on the phone, she just couldn’t visit in person much.

Ben half told him about his soulmate Rey, Lewis had been sympathetic.

Chad knew...but never ratted them out. There was worse going on that mattered more. 

Ben prayed that Rey wouldn’t hate him for it later, men could be weak...he missed her so much. He begged heaven that she wouldn’t be disgusted...

Lewis actually told Ben his wife knew. She’d been glad he wasn’t lonely. 

Ben used his money to ensure Lewis more comforts. Had funds sent to his wife for the care of his twins. Lewis was loyal and kind.

 

Ben sat with his mother one morning waiting patiently to hear the latest news. “How is she mother?”

Leia grinned, “well... ask her yourself...”

Ben’s eyes widened. “Rey?”

Rey appeared. “Hi... I asked mom if I could come with your mother this time. She signed permission. You... you look great .”

Leia stood and left them to chat. 

It was all he dreamed about, ...seeing her.

”I’ve missed you...you are so beautiful. The short hair is nice. Thank you for all the pictures you let mom give me.” Ben stuttered out.

He desperately wanted to bend her over that table... or bury his tongue deep inside her folds. God he wanted...

Fuck! He was hard as a rock staring at her...

Rey let her eyes wander,”you’ve expanded here...you were already huge.” Her giggle warmed his heart.

Ben laughed.”yeah...working out keeps me from losing my mind and reading. I have so much to tell you...”

Rey nodded and let him before adding her own. 

Ben knew their time was supposed to be short...he knew this had gone on a lot longer... soon they were alone in the room.

Other prisoners gone back to their cells... guests left.

Chad approached them, “I’m sorry it’s time now... warden gave you longer after talking with your mom Solo... but now you have to go back. He said give you 5 minutes alone to say goodbye. Camera is off too. Enjoy” he winked.

Ben turned to Rey. He scooped her up so fast it almost scared her.

He slid her against the wall... fell to his knees and kissed his way up her bare legs. Finding what he sought he attacked like his life depended on it. He made her cum hard and fast with her fingers pulling his hair so firm that it brought tears to his eyes.

He’d told her about Lewis...she understood. She deserved this.

Rey moaned and cried out, thighs shaking.

”oh ...god...” she whimpered.

He rose and devoured her lips,”not enough...never enough...thank you for not hating me...”

Rey kissed him again and held him close, “I don’t ...want you ...lonely...I can’t believe they let us have ...this... they had to know we ...”

He cut her off, “shhhhh...”

His fingers curled inside her again, as he laved at her neck...her panties soaked already, he wanted to give her just one more...

A knock scared them both. Jumped to separate.

Chad grinned, “I apologize it’s been more like 25 minutes... lost track.” He shrugged.

Ben smirked, “not a problem...Rey, give mom a hug goodbye for me. I love you. Please take care.”

Chad gave them a knowing look. 

 

 

Back in in his cell Ben felt sated.

She had come to see him... she let him touch her...

Life away from him hasn’t corrupted her yet...

Lewis poked his head in,”you saw her?”

Ben nodded. Gestured. He was noticeably still hard.

Lewis knelt, “pretend I’m her...we will have to be quick...”

Ben let him... he was so pent up from seeing and smelling her skin...tasting her. It didn’t take long.

Lewis left him after, “ goodnight my friend. Dream of those tan legs wrapped around you...” chuckling as he walked out.

Ben smiled as he drifted off... soon... soon he’d taste her every day...


	50. Contemplating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wasn’t sure... she just... was scared of losing him completely.

He was honest.

He was stuck there. 

It made sense.

 

but...

He was cheating. They knew what happened at the cabin... she gave herself to him. 

And now...

He could just...?

She wasn’t disgusted, she just wanted him to wait for her... she hadn’t been with anyone but Ben... 

She hasn’t kissed anyone else...

A week after her visit...his confession, she wrote him a letter telling him how it felt to think of him letting Lewis do those things.

That it hurt her. Maybe she shouldn’t have tried to be understanding when he told her...it was false...

She attempted to explain why... how she felt about him...

She had to be true to herself.

 

She tried...but...

She had really trusted him before...could she now?

 

His response was what she expected...in his letter he begged her to forgive him.

He understood she didn’t want him to be lonely, and hadn’t been sure how to react to what he’d told her.

He was so sorry for being weak... he wouldn’t give in anymore... he could wait...he only loved her...wanted her...

He would prove to her he was stronger...

He described how she was in his mind at night... how seeing and touching her that day affected  him...

How loved she was...

Rey cried as she read his words...pages of his promises... he fucked someone else...

... It haunted her a bit...she didn’t want Ben to lie to her but... could he not wait?

That man’s wife didn’t mind... but they had been married a long time... had kids... devoted... made promises... was she doing it too? Is that why it didn’t bother her?

She couldn’t write him back immediately... she needed time.

His letters came... she left them unopened in a drawer.

She went to school... she went to ball games...spent time with her family.

She was too busy to see Leia or Han...

 

Christmas brought plenty of distractions...

New Years...

Valentine’s Day... 

 

He probably felt abandoned... 

 

But Rey was just a girl...

This was so much...couldn’t he see that?

 

Rey sat in the movie with Rose, trying to eat her popcorn and forget. Easier said than done.

She tried not to think of him with someone...else.

but...

 

Sighing she tried to focus on the characters.

She needed to branch out.

A date maybe, no one knew what he told her... who could she confide in anyway?

Rey was torn.

Ben...he could make her feel so much... pleasure and pain...

Fuck if it wasn’t hard to process...

 


	51. Twisted logic and remorse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He drops her letter. 
> 
> He sends his own... he sends them constantly... fucking Christ... what has he done?!

Lewis doesn’t berate him...he just acts as a friend. Ben cries... he screams...

Chad is kind.

He fights another inmate. People give him breathing room.

He sees her side but he doesn’t. His heart is hers...he could never love anyone else...

Sex can be just sex... 

...always had been for him...

...release? No feelings? It wasn’t another woman... meant nothing...but it did to her! 

The feelings he had for Bazine nearly killed him...

Emotion could be separate?

No...not to Rey.  With her ...with his soul ... with Rey he felt both and more when they’d been together...touching...

He was twisted in his logic to give in...he could’ve waited longer...

Others do longer stints and remain devoted...

No...technically they were ‘friends ‘ to the people who knew them...soulmates that were destined. 

His call to her hurt...but now his weakness...his selfish needs had caused her agony...

He would not do it again!

Be so stupid...technicalities didn’t matter if you love someone you don’t need a label or symbol to be theirs...just theirs... 

Lewis loved only his wife...they trusted each other. She had lovers too...Lewis had lovers before Ben arrived. 

Ben could’ve fucking waited!

How will he get her to trust him?!

His first letter she read he knew... but the others...

Rey hadn’t wrote back.

His mother said she hadn’t been around them.

 

After Christmas... then Valentine’s Day passed Ben asked his mom to talk to Jyn in March.

Jyn told Leia Rey was quiet and just really busy. That Ben shouldn’t worry, she was young...she was doing what he’d wanting for her... going out and enjoying life. She even went on a couple dates recently. She seemed happy.

Ben felt crushed. 

But really...could he even be hurt?

Be upset... he had no fucking right...

He let someone else touch him... 

He could prove himself.

But he had to figure himself out first...he understood being used ...it wasn’t real just a body... he was just a body to women in the past... just a poor substitute for Lewis in place of his wife...

simple.

no not simple.

Ben needed to understand why.

Rey wasn’t wrong to push him away for now.

He needed to let her explore her needs and wants...if he truly is her soulmate...if he loves her...

He will fix the damage inside.

or...

Never be worthy of her heart...

He confides in His therapist... and Lewis... Hux comes.

He wishes Rey had someone to talk to...She may for all he knows...

 

Ben sees himself. 

 

Selfish prick.

Child of a man.

...scars on and beneath his skin.

A coward who ran...

...hid himself...

 

NO MORE !

 

 


	52. Momma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey felt so alone surrounded by her family and friends...no one could help her... no one knew ...she needed someone... something to help her...

“Momma...?” Rey crept in as her mother put away groceries.

Jyn saw how sullen Rey looked, “ honey what’s wrong?”

”I need you...I need someone...I can’t tell my therapist ...everything. But I want to trust you, I know you love me.” Rey hugged herself, ”you can’t tell dad... please.”

Jyn didn’t like it... it had to be about Ben Solo...

Jyn hugged her daughter and pet her hair like when she was small...”go ahead honey, just between us...”

 

Rey felt like she was purging...

 

She held nothing back...

The real scenario of the day he took her... the daily closeness that grew and developed...

The curiosity that Rey had about him... his desires that came out...

Rey wanted him and let him in... trusted him...

How him letting her go felt...

All of it...

Joy.

Pain.

Confusion.

Lust.

Depression.

Lonliness.

How sometimes she wished they never left the cabin...

 

It was free and uplifting to see the lack of judgement in her mother’s eyes. 

This woman gave her life...this woman has loved and lost ...

This woman was listening...

 

“Momma...I think he loves me... I feel like I love him, but I haven’t allowed myself to see anything beyond him. What he’s done... I get it. Still hurts though...I want to keep seeing Lucas, he’s nice. He’s not pushing... But, I want to talk to Hux...that Lewis... that wife...maybe Ben later...when I’m ready. I have so many questions.” Rey told her.

”ok, I will support you. Just be careful, love is not easy to manage sometimes... what is right or wrong for us isn’t easy. You may feel overwhelmed when you come of age...when you see him again... your father and I... well it was so strong. I was so unprepared for how drawn to another person I could be, I cared about the man I was about to marry but... I needed your father so much. I fell so hard for him...more everyday... Some don’t feel that ache so deeply... it seems Ben did... you could when the time comes or not...you have to do what’s best for you. He may not be...you ask the questions you need to... you figure it out...”Jyn offered.

”thank you Momma, I needed this so much. I don’t feel so alone now.” Rey stood away,” I’m going to go call Leia... I want to ask her to arrange what I need. I don’t want to go through Ben. Will you go with me when I go?”

”of course...” Jyn nodded.

Rey smiled,wiped her cheeks. ”I love you”

Jyn gave her a reassuring smile, ”love you too honey...” 

Rey has a lot to soul search... her mother wondered if she could really handle it or her own question would hurt more when answered.

Momma was here though... Rey was not alone.


	53. Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Leia came to see Ben and tell him what Rey wanted he had been bewildered, then he granted it. If talking to certain people assisted Rey he could handle it, Lewis had no issue with answering her questions... he was confident his wife Sarah would not mind either. Hux definitely wouldn’t be annoyed by it, he would adore it actually. Ben was surprised Rey told Jyn everything but...perhaps having an outlet could help her in the long run. The news she was in fact dating someone... that was torturous. He was such a hypocrite... he nodded and sighed as Leia described the boy. Rey met him on campus when she toured the college she would be attending. Lucas... they had things in common... Jyn and Cassian met him. Leia met him too, that was unusual. But Rey thought of Leia as family now, it was important to her to get her approval and opinions. As he expected, Leia had been kind and supportive. Ben internalized his displeasure... he had no right to say a word. His mother was quick to point out...

“Well, I am glad to meet you.” Sarah greeted Rey, “ my twins have pretty much destroyed the house so you’ll have to forgive me” 

Rey laughed,” kids will do that...How old?”

Sarah guided Rey to the back yard, Jyn had chosen to stay in the car. “ 4, and they are busy ! They miss their daddy, they keep me hopping. On the phone you said you had questions, you can be blunt...I assume it has to do with your Ben and my Lewis.”

Rey was shocked by her directness but appreciative, “yes...is he...are they still...? Does it not bother you?”

Sarah chuckled, turning to glance at her running children. “Bother? No dear, we’ve been married for over 10 years, we have the twins...he hides nothing from me. We have an agreement...only while he’s locked up, we have needs so we meet them. There are stipulations of course. Since he tends to run with a ...um colorful crowd...can’t seem to stay out of trouble. He was actually disappointed when Ben stopped. He likes Ben, nice guy. Lewis says all Ben talks about is you... soulmates...never met mine, but I chose Lewis, I don’t care to find the other. He loves you I know, but if it bothers you to share him then don’t... set limits and give what you have a name, stake your claim so to speak. Or walk away. It’s up to you dear, but you choose what you want not what Ben or anyone else wants...that’s my opinion.” 

Rey nodded, absorbing Sarah’s words. 

They chatted and Rey enjoyed watching the two boys play. 

 

 

Jyn drove her to the prison next, Lewis expected her.

He’d agreed after Ben told him it was ok. Ben wanted Rey to figure out what she wanted...he hoped she’d talk to him again when she got her questions answered.

Lewis knew his wife had already discussed her views with Rey. 

“This is interesting, to see so many pictures of you in his cell...hear his words ...and now to meet you in person. I feel somewhat guilty sitting here with you knowing he wishes to be so badly... he’s in pain young lady, but I see why you can’t face him quite yet. He’s told me. He ended our arrangement after your letter...if that’s why you are here...he cried when you didn’t answer his letters...” Lewis rubbed his chin, ” I see it bothered you, but it meant nothing to us.  We became friends, lonely. He’s not my first...won’t be my last... but my heart resides in Sarah. His heart was most definitely not mine... nor can be anyone’s but yours.”

Rey cringed, “ he wasn’t going to be here long... he could’ve waited...”

”true... but he didn’t jump on me right away... he kept denying propositions. He hasn’t done anything with anyone since ending it... he only thought of you. Maybe that turns your young stomach but men are physical selfish brutes I suppose, I enjoyed him. I won’t apologize for that. But you have a right to how you feel...just know he feels regret, he’s trying to refrain and show you he is worthy.  He’s a good man, I’m proud to call him friend.” Lewis spoke more about his wife and how they met, how their arrangements work. How in the past trust had been an issue.

Rey nodded, reacted, and actually saw why Ben likes him. Lewis was laid back and friendly, no hidden agendas. 

“Will you see our Ben today?” Lewis asked as he was leaving.

Rey shook her head, “ I’m not ready...”

 

 

 

Hux was her last destination that week. She went to his office, had to wait until he got out of a meeting that ran late.

”so that was your cabin?” She asked when he sat down at his desk. 

Hux grinned, “ yes...I heard you liked it, especially after my friend stopped locking you up.”

”he told you?” Rey questioned.

”every detail...eventually. He didn’t tell his lawyer all of it, just me and his folks. But I’ve seen Benjamin face down in his own vomit between two hookers so... I suppose he figured I wouldn’t judge.” Hux smirked, “I know he slept with you Rey...I know what made you come see me...but he is not like you... you are actually a mature girl for your age. He is rather stunted...he still even now has a lot to learn.  But do not mistake my callusness ...that man loves you, he was willing to go to prison for you. He could’ve kept you hidden away...but he wanted you to choose him not be forced. He knows you’re dating someone, your mother told his ...and as I understand it, you even took this boy with you to meet Leia. Interesting. He’s not mad...he hopes you will still pick him later...”

Rey sighed, “he respects you...talked about you a lot while we were there. Tell me... tell me about him, about Bazine... about when he left home... please.”

Hux didn’t sugarcoat anything, Ben had told him to answer whatever she asked...Rey knew he went through a long dark period...

Hux had a front row seat to fetching him many times...listened to Ben cry and sulk...

Rey heard him. He noticed her brow furrow, her wince...saw the tears fighting to be released.

”you’ve been his friend a long time...why aren’t you trying to convince me to let it go and forgive him?” Rey prodded.

”he wouldn’t want me to honestly...” Hux replied.

Rey left feeling full. He’d talked to her for hours. He saw the other side of the spectrum. 

She had so much to think about.

 

 

She text Lucas  to see if he still wanted to hang out the next day, he did.

He had a warm smile.

She had let him hold her hand at the movies, they’ve kissed. But would she ever feel comfortable with more?

Her mind went back to sexual memories of Ben often...could she even try things with someone to test that need...?

She thinks she should...

Maybe...

 

 

 


	54. Lucas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey thought he had a nice, warm smile. He helped her find the bookstore on campus, showed her where the library was. Kismet. He was so...calm.

“Lucas, spending time with you has been so ...fun. You really are nice.” Rey started. 

They were walking through the main courtyard at the university.

”you are sweet, I get it that with the ‘soulmate’ thing hanging over your head you have gone slow with me...I’m ok with that.” He pointed out as he took her hand. 

His thumb rubbing over her knuckles.

Rey felt her chest tighten.

Belly coil.

”I like it when we’re close...I just get nervous... sorry.” She blushed.

 He nodded. “I know... I don’t feel neglected ...trust me, I like getting to know you like this. Your parents are nice. It was a bit awkward meeting that Solo woman though, you aren’t going to make me meet Ben too are you?” 

He teased her, but she knew it was true. She watched his reaction to things.

...tested him.

It was probably kind of messed up, but...

”If you want ...we can go back to your dorm, my mom isn’t expecting me back yet.” Rey suggested.

They’d progressed to  hands exploring more... but not clothes off yet.

Rey wanted to try more...skin to skin... maybe...?

 

Lucas smiled, “ sure!”

After months of dating it felt ok to try.

Ben was her first of everything...

Lucas was just a year older. He was cute and goofy.

He told her his high school sweetheart was his first...she told him she had been overwhelmed by her first experiences with sex. 

Rey always set the pace.

He never acted first. She liked that.

They talked about everything and nothing. He got along with her friends.

Her dad worried of course...so it wasn’t just Ben he hated... he hated all men who could possibly fuck his daughter... his princess. 

She loved just making out with Lucas... soft mouth...magic tongue...firm arms that wrapped...

Rey kissed Lucas on his cheek, “it’s been 5 months...um ... can we ... I mean do you want to...?”

Lucas cleared his throat, “oh!  ...yeah! If you want... are ready.”

Rey thought she was.

”I leave to go to the beach with Rose and Kaydel Sunday, I’d like to try tonight if that’s ok.” Rey mumbled quickly. 

 

Her senior trip was all arranged.They were Florida bound, graduation had really done her up to this new life. 

Her graduation dinner party had been small, but awesome.

So much out there. 

She was living her life by her rules, she hungered to try everything. 

Lucas began kissing her and unbuttoning her shirt as soon as his door closed. It wasn’t rushed but still had that urgent feeling.

Rey was panting and whimpering when his fingers found their way under her skirt and  stroked.

Was this too much?

no....?

maybe....?

”mmmmm...” She moaned into his shoulder.

She wasn’t scared.

But this act would change things...no going back.

 

perception...

 

His hands felt differently than Ben’s...

His body not so large and broad...

”condom?” She whispered.

He obliged, working her sopping before slipping it on so he could press in. Her legs hitched up.

He entered slow, she’d told him she was no virgin... but he knew it had been a while too. Eyes locked at first...

This meant something... she was something...

Lucas liked her a lot, it was not love yet...

But they were young still. It felt good...

He didn’t want marriage and...kids yet...

But his free time around classes and his part time gig at IHOP was hers.

He knew she was slightly afraid of feeling the ‘call’ to her soulmate later... but he was patient.

He moved carefully and kissed her softly. She took it happily.

 He came suddenly without meaning to, she felt too good and he lost control. 

Rey giggled.

Thinking how funny his apologies for her not cumming yet were. 

She grabbed his face and told him to quit saying sorry ...put his tongue to use! 

Lucas took direction well... making her moan and writhe...she orgasmed hard.

well well...

Rey glowed after. She thought she’d feel weird or gulity...

She didn’t.

”I’ll call you while we’re gone, we can get together when I get back...” she offered her breath short.

Lucas kissed her breast, tugging on a nipple with his teeth ...he grinned, “more of this?”

Rey playfully hit him, “I might!”

”are we ya know, official then?... Now?” He pressed, they’d only been dating each other ...but had not given it a name yet.

Rey had been reluctant...

”I’ll let you know...if that’s ok?” She replied hesitantly.

”yeah, no problem. I won’t rush you. I am not interested in anyone else or in sharing...so I just need it I guess. A label.” He offered.

Rey let that sink in...he held her.  

 

Label?

Name?

?????

 

When she got home Rey told her mom about it. 

Rey liked being able to. 

Her heart felt lighter.

She cried less.

She still had not seen Ben...but tonight she opened the drawer full of his letters. She read all of them...

Wrote in her journal. Added a movie stub to the page and a expressed all her feelings about sleeping with Lucas finally.

 

She had decided to send it to Ben.

Before her birthday.

It was a bit away...

She knew Ben would stay at his parents after he was released. If his appeal was granted, Landon had let her know. She’d send it there.

But until then...

She worked on packing after, this would be fun. 

The beach ...her girls... no boys... no drama...

 

...just fun.

 

It felt strange to be done with high school...college was coming...

Rey was thrilled though, she’d gotten her scholarships and could use the fund set for her for other things.

She unhooked her necklace and laid it on her dresser, it was staying behind.

Though...

She never took off her stars. The earrings were precious to her.

Lucas had asked after their 3rd month if they were from Ben.

She had been honest, that the earrings and necklace were gifts from him. Car too...she explained about the money waiting for her.

That had been hard for Lucas to get, the money ...etc.

Rey explained the court stuff. The money was part of that.

He didn’t say alot, but when he turned up  with a bracelet at 4 months, Rey wore it.

Prom had been an experience to say the least...

Lucas made her feel like a princess... she’d added pics to her journal then too.

The senior trip was her graduation gift from Leia and Han...also from Jyn and Cassian. The girls were thrilled to stay at a big resort.  

Rey sighed, she wasn’t looking forward to the drive, but Rose kept saying road trips are a right of teenage passage. 

So they planned out their stops and stay over.

 

“Fun here I come!” Rey told no one but herself. Laughing.

 

Time for sun...

the sand...

the ocean...

and tans..


	55. Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wipes her tears away, tucked her bracelet into the small wooden jewelry box on her dresser. The summer had been like a dream...but dreams end eventually...

_“I just don’t get it Rey...you know I care about you. We are together all the time...you like what we do? Your friends and parents like me? You seemed happy?!” Lucas yelled at her, his roommate left when the argument started._

_He wasn’t wrong...after her senior trip with Rose and Kaydel ...they’d hung out even more...had sex more..._

_She liked his sense of humor..._

_He was thoughtful and fun...gentle._

_But... jealous and clingy too._

_Rey hated that._

_He had been pissed when she took so long deciding whether she wanted to be official or not...kept asking if she was seeing someone else._

_Then he started accusing her of visiting Ben._

_She hadn’t...not once. His insecurities._

_”I like you Lucas, the past few months have been great...the months before that amazing too. But... I don’t love you! I care about you... I like you... It’s unfair of me to keep seeing you like this if we are not really together...you could meet someone who wants more like you do!  I’m ...not sure what I want...” Rey slid down to his floor crying, she was so frustrated._

_He tried kissing her again, “ please...just let me in! You always say you are but then you never truly have! You think of him...I know it ! You wear his damn earrings and get so fucking quiet! You have sex with me but I wonder constantly if he’s the one you want! He kidnapped you ! He is a criminal ! It’s really messed up that you were friendly with him at all ! That you even defended him in court ! You visit his damn mom Rey! It’s pathetic ! It’s fucked up !”_

_Lucas was hurting...she saw it on his face._

_Rey gave in and let him hold her._

_”it was so good for so long Rey...but I love you...I can’t fight a ghost... I can’t be a substitute because you are afraid... either let me in so we can really try or...” He was desperate with his words, and she couldn’t take it._

_These arguments had come weekly now... ever since Ben was released a month before._

_Lucas knew and felt threatened..._

_Rey stood herself up, “I’m so sorry Lucas... I have to go... please don’t call anymore... I... can’t lie to you and pretend to love you when it’s not like that... I need to be alone to figure this out...”_

_Before he could grab her arm, she bolted out of his dorm room._

_She ran... away from his hurt expression..._

_Away from her own confused scattered brain..._

_No she hadn’t allowed herself to see him... Ben...but Lucas wasn’t wrong..._

_He haunted her...she worried about his progress...had been relieved for him and his family when his appeal was granted._

_She’d tried to make herself fall in love with Lucas all summer...it only made her depressed._

_She ran until she found herself lost..._

_Classes started next week...she could bury herself in papers and books..._

_Her birthday was a couple months away..._

_She’d stopped writing in her journal ...but still planned to send it to him._

_Leia promised he was doing well..._

_So why wasn’t she?_

_Rey plopped down under a large tree, leaned her head back._

_...let her sore eyes close._

 

_What did she want?_

_What did she really want?_

_Fuck !!!!!_

_Rey punched the dirt with her fist..._

_...her chest heaved._

_She cried..._

_” I don’t know ...” she practically whispered it to the air._

 

_She felt so defeated and helpless..._

_Angry..._

 

 


	56. He knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben felt a mix of relief and dread the day he was released. July. Holiday weekend coming. He had heard secondhand about what Rey had been up to...he wanted to go see her... he can’t. He won’t. That would violate her trust. He was not the selfish vicious shell he’d once been ...she needed time. He’d honored that. She’d asked her questions ...but never came to see him ...it stung. But... he loved her. She would have what she needed.

He Ben rode in the backseat, Leia and Han quietly is the front.

 

”It’s ok...mom, dad, ...I was not expecting her to be here.” Ben tried to assure them. “ I’m good, I swear.”

His mother gave him an uneasy smile, “ I’m glad son, we weren’t sure...she hasn’t been around us much...we didn’t know if she knew it was ...today ...or if you’ve talked.”

”no...I don’t think she knew, but I believe she is probably with her friends ...or her boyfriend...that Lucas you mentioned a while back. Aren’t they still ... dating?” Ben inquired.

Han sighed. “Yeah, she is I think. Landon says her college classes have been selected and fees paid from the fund. We signed to authorize early withdrawal for it.  I assumed you wanted that for her...she enjoyed her trip you know... you could tell her that was you not us...her parents aren’t as fond of that boy anymore...Jyn told your mom they argue... mostly about you. Have you tried to contact her?”

”no...and I won’t. She needs her time. But, if he steps out of line I’ll deal with the boyfriend...fuck the consequences.” Ben growled. 

He watched the trees race by.

He realized through his therapy sessions how truly damaged he was...how emotionally and mentally stunted ...broken.

The drugs...the bad decisions... he’d reacted like a selfish teenager not a man.

taken and taken ...

He saw himself as a body to use and treated himself as such ...

He had no idea how to be really healthy with someone... psychologically twisted into obsession and want when the call hit him...

He felt real love for her... he was sure...

But that meant he needed to work hard on himself...so he had been.

He allowed his parents to join in his therapy.

Hux came for certain sessions too...his conscience for so long when he’d been drowning in darkness and death of self...destructive and violent... in a haze of trying to numb the pain.

Bazine had truly screwed him up... but the alcohol and drugs and empty sex after was on him...

He’d poisoned himself...

Lewis had been another symptom of his skewed view of sex and emotion...

Sex was just a thing to do... be used for...he missed her so much and hurt her by doing it...selfish.

His heart found a reason to beat with Rey...

He had to learn how to connect physically and emotionally ...while also trying to heal his fractured mind...

She let herself try to live beyond what he took from her in that cabin...he was glad.

She was no one’s possession...she was fire and love ...he would show her he was worthy to bask in her warmth...

But on her terms... on her time...

He was on probation for the next year... he would pay fees, and live with parents. He had to keep seeing his therapist and find a job.

He needed to learn how to be a functioning human being.

He took in a deep breath as he walked into his old bedroom.

He could do this.

His soulmate needed him to...

Whether her happiness involved him or not...if he fell apart it would hurt her.

He felt...a sense of pride in himself.

New.


	57. Forgive me father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben clenched his fists as he approached. He saw Rey leave, her father headed to his car to head out himself. “Cassian...a moment please...”

The man fumed.

Ben knew why.

”Mr. Solo, why do I need to give you a moment? Hasn’t Rey shown she isn’t speaking to you? She isn’t here right now... I definitely don’t feel the urge to reconnect to you!” Cassian leaned against his car door.

Ben straightened, “ I saw her leave sir, I am going through the steps...even though I’ve been sober and clear since before prison I started going to meetings after my release. This is for Rey,” Ben handed Cassian two envelopes , “I owe you and your wife an apology, one is yours...the other letter is Rey’s and she has the right to simply throw it away. But I wanted you to know I am actually still working on myself, for myself ... not just to win her back. I’m someone’s sponser... I was so lost in the darkness... I want to free others of that kind of pain. Your daughter gave me that strength...”

Cassian wanted to hate him. 

He couldn’t...

Rey didn’t...

”I’ll give her your letter...but it’s up to her to open it. If she comes to you ...please don’t hurt her again.” Ben heard Cassian’s words...the underlying threat in his tone. 

“I don’t intend to.” Ben promised her father but also himself.

 

He gave similar letters to many...even his parents. 

His probation officer was a laid back chap, always offering advice. Ben liked him.

He could have worked somewhere better, used his parents or Hux to get one... but he chose to wash dishes instead at a restaurant in town.

He felt good about it.

Solid.

Meetings were difficult at first... listening to others dissect their falls ...hear who they hurt. 

He hated himself. But forgiveness was important... he had to forgive Benjamin Solo. 

He had to learn to see Ben as someone.

 

His dad went to the first 3 meetings with him. Held his grown son’s hand as it shook with fear.

No judgement in his wrinkled eyes ...just love.

Ben couldn’t make his voice work that first meeting...he didn’t talk... no one made him.

He got brave by that 3rd one...

His sponser was a grandmother.

 

He reached in deep...found a strength he didn’t know he had.

His words flowed like a raging river, he didn’t even realize it as tears spilled...his father grinned with pride and support. Hugged his son tight when he returned to his chair.

...after that Ben attended on his own.

 

He hoped she read his letter...

But he was also prepared to leave her alone.

 

 

 


	58. Winds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey pulled her hair up into a tight ponytail, the wind kept whipping her hair in her face and she was tired of it. She hiked across campus to her next class.

Rey felt pretty good, her grades were high and her professors were awesome. 

Lucas had tried a few more times to talk to her, but she stood her ground.

She wouldn’t use him just to not be alone. 

She wasn’t that person.

 

She was comfortable in her own skin again.

Confident.

 

She smiled at those she passed, the sun felt warm on her face despite the brisk air. 

Rose waved at her, ”hey! So I think my sociology professor is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen and I am praying I can pay attention enough in class to pass! ”

Rey laughed.

They shared chips and chicken tenders comparing notes from their math class.

Rey  still had his letter.

Her father told her he came by, she wasn’t ready to read it.

But she was glad to hear he was going to meetings on his own. Helping others.

 

She had a long talk with Leia at the coffee shop near campus last week, his mother was less tense... relieved. Ben was thriving for once.

 

Rey was too.

 

She liked being single.

Her time around Lucas gave her things to think about... she realized more of what she wanted  ...and didn’t want.

Halloween was approaching and she couldn’t decide what she wanted to dress up like. 

Angel?

Demon?

teacher?

naughty librarian?

 

Rose and Kaydel were stoked about the frat party they were dragging Rey to.

Hoping to find a cute frat boy in an easily removeable costume to dance with.

...Rey wasn’t interested in that.

 

Her birthday was here and she wondered if she would feel different...would she feel him?

Rey had stayed away from the restaurant  he worked at.

It still confused her why he was content being a dishwasher...he could do anything.

He had money.

 

She didn’t have to work right now, staying at home was free...and she stayed over at Rose’s dorm a lot.

She thought about sharing an apartment with Kaydel later near campus maybe.

She would have complete access to the fund after her birthday...she knew it was still a high amount. Though she hadn’t asked what the balance was.

 

Music drifted in their direction.

Students laughing and dancing near the open space of the courtyard.

She liked this. 

Rey let her lids close...let  the tune inside.

humming along...

 

She  knew her mom had dinner planned that night and cupcakes. 

Rey felt joy. Just peaceful.

 

She was 18 tomorrow...

 

 

 


	59. Clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben dried his hands, moved to collect the dirty dishes from tables customers had vacated. His long hair tied in a bun. He sighed, tomorrow was Rey’s birthday. He hoped she woke up to a wonderful day.

“Yo Solo! We’re hitting the club down the street after we close up! You down?” Jerry hollered from the kitchen.

Ben shrugged, “nah...tired. But you guys drink one for me.”

”can do buddy!” Jerry disappeared again.

 

Ben smiled at the girls who came in, obviously college age.

They giggled and whispered.

 

He returned to his sink with his dishes to wash.

He got hit on sometimes but no one caught his eye.

They weren’t her.

He wondered if it was the soulmate thing or if he just loved her too much to want anyone else.

He could sleep with whoever before he’d met her...

But...that emptiness had been there...

 

Would he change meeting Rey?

Feeling her absence?

No...

Ben wouldn’t.

He got to feel love...find that he really could love someone...

It was worth it.

He smiled.

His mom said college was good for Rey, that she loved it. 

He bought Rey a gift, he debated giving it to his mom...mailing it... dropping it at her house...

In the end he decided to wait.

It would get to her. 

Ben dried the last plate and reached for his coke.

He texted Hux asking if he was still up, wanted to play cards or something if his wife didn’t mind.

Hux had told him come on over.

His wife was out, kids were asleep.

Ben was glad to have his friend, he felt better around people who didn’t drink around him or judge his past. Hux never had. He loved him like a brother.

Hux knew what tomorrow was.

 

Ben would probably crash on his couch.

The blonde at the table near the window blushed when he walked by. 

She got brave and tried to give him her number, he politely declined.

Said he had a girlfriend, her disappointment was clear. 

 

Ben headed to Hux’s after his shift. His mind wandered to her.

 

He silently wished her a happy birthday.

He felt good about it. He was stronger. He saw a future clear.

Two possible ones...

His heart bloomed with hope.

 

 

 


	60. Blow out your candles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey blinked her eyes to the blinding light, “uggggg...” She stumbled out of bed to close her curtains. She fell back onto her pillows hiding. They’d stayed up late, watching her favorite movies. It had been fun cuddling up with her mom, ...hanging out with her dad after dinner and blowing out the candle on her cupcake.

“Happy birthday honey!” Jyn greeted a still sleepy Rey.

Rey smiled, took a seat at the table, “eggs? Where’s dad?”

”He ran to the store, should be back any minute. I thought you might want scrambled eggs and toast.” Her mother fixed her plate and poured Rey juice. “Special plans today?”

Rey gobbled her food, “um... going to hang out with my friends in a bit.”

Jyn nodded, “ so, will you see him? You’re of age now? Do you want to see if you feel it...feel differently?”

Rey had thought about it. 

She gave her journal to his mother. Told her to give it to him after her birthday. Originally she planned to give it to give before...

She wondered if he would appear today.

How would she feel about it?

Would she feel it? The call?

 

Ben had described it as an ache...a deep need ... want...

That it hurt being separated...

 

She didn’t feel differently.

Her mind wasn’t flooded by him.

She gave her mom a hug. Went upstairs to shower and change.

She yanked jeans on and the purple sweater her mom got her for her birthday. 

She fluffed her hair, and opened her jewelry box.

The necklace was there. Rey thought about it, then put it on.

In her car, she flipped the radio on and up singing along.

She didn’t really pick a direction, just felt like driving. Sing and drive.

 

 

 

Ben was early to his shift.

He had ran home after waking up at Hux’s house  to throw his work clothes on. He’d sat and read Rey’s journal... floored by her raw honesty...his mother said Rey wanted him to have it. It was like hearing her in his head.

 

The restaurant isn’t busy yet.

He likes it here, the owner worked around his meetings and let him have extra shifts when he couldn’t stomach going home.

Greg and Mary were soulmates, had met as children. Married right after high school...he liked watching them dance together when it was slow in the restaurant.

Jerry had jabbered nonstop about hooking up with some girl the night before, telling Ben he missed out.

Ben doubted it.

He was cleaning a table and just stopped... a jolt hit him. His heart beat faster... breath difficult to take in... head throbbed... 

No... 

Rey?

Ben glanced around...

”Ben...aren’t you going to wish me a happy birthday?” Her voice wrapped around his heart.

Ben stared.

There she was in front of him... beautiful... precious...

 

He felt warm... 

“Rey? Ah...yes... happy birthday!” Ben stuttered. 

He wanted to reach out and touch her face, kiss her lips, he felt truly starving seeing her so close. Oh to bury himself deep in her wetness and hear her moan again?

He could practically taste her.

”It ...it’s good to see you,” Ben noticed the swell of her breasts beneath the lovely purple sweater, how tight her jeans hugged her legs and rear, “did you need a table? Are you meeting friends?”

Then he saw...his earrings on those delicate ears ... his necklace around that perfect throat...

”no...I went for a drive and just kind of ended up ...here. I wanted to see you... needed to see if... I felt ... differently.” Rey watched his face. 

Ben blushed. Her eyes on him made him feel like a hormonal teen...exposed.

Bare.

His body tingled and felt more and more heated...

He struggled to swallow...form words... ”do you... feel differently?”

Rey smiled nervously. “Dad gave me your letter...and I gave your mom my journal for you...”

”yes...um she gave it to me. I read... every single word...did you read the letter?” He prodded, still desperately trying to keep from throwing her against the closest wall and devouring her.

Rey nodded, “I finally did...is all of it true Ben?”

He nodded. “I have been making something of myself... for me. Though... I am guilty of hoping once I forgave myself... loved myself... you might too.”

Rey glanced around, “you like it here?”

”I do actually, the owners are good people ...gave me the opportunity to work and grow. Greg and his wife Mary are inspirational people.” Ben explained.

”so you just wash dishes?” She questioned.

Ben didn’t feel shame, “ yes and clean ...it’s simple and real ...honest. While I worked on myself, therapy and meetings, ... I needed something uncomplicated. Safe.”

”I can understand that logic I guess... I like being in college. If we hadn’t come back I might not have gotten to go... thank you for letting me go home.” Rey stated.

Ben shifted, “you needed to...I wasn’t good for you the way I was. We both had a lot to think about ...learn. I am so sorry I hurt you...”

”I believe you Ben... I took time to figure myself out a bit too...dated someone... it just wasn’t the right fit...” Rey frowned, “does it always hurt when you are close to me?”

She looked intently.

Ben sighed, “it’s agony not to touch you right now... are you...do you feel it?”

Rey stepped closer, “I feel like I need you like air... like I haven’t eaten in a month and there you are... I’m burning alive with something I don’t understand. Like you have seeped into my cells, my blood, my bones, my muscles... my head my soul...But I can walk away right now... I feel that I can... but I do not want to...”

Ben felt his heart break and reform all at once at her description. “You could...”

She stepped closer.

He took a deep breath and froze.

Rey tipped up on her toes.

He dared  not blink.

Rey brushed her lips ever so gently against his...

 

 

 

 

 


	61. Not forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey came back after his shift, they found a table out back to talk.

He knew not to touch her. 

 

She would set the pace here...that was important.

But his eyes lingered across her form...

His senses picking up every sweet nuance...

He prayed this wasn’t goodbye...

 

 

“I feel the call...but it doesn’t erase the hurt...what’s happened isn’t forgotten.” Rey stated.

He expected that.

Ben nodded, “I wouldn’t assume it would be...I wanted you to go off on your own even though it felt like dying inside. It was good for both of if us that you did...”

”I want to know this you ...who you are now...he seems like he has gotten his shit together.” Rey joked.

Ben couldn’t help but chuckle at his own expense.

Jerry brought them fries to split and cokes.

”there are people who don’t pursue relationships despite the call they feel...marry or date others. Some are like our parents and it is just too powerful to ignore...” Ben volunteered after a long awkward silence.

Rey smiled. “I want to do this differently than it started I think...minus the kidnapping...,” His eyes got huge, ”...just kidding Ben. Don’t be so serious.”

She continued, “this is a good start... talking over greasy food. You’ve read my thoughts... feelings while we were apart... I read yours in that letter. Good raw feelings and no rose colored glasses. Next step can be a movie next Friday night...you can pick me up, be stared down by my dad like a normal date. Maybe even hold hands...”

Ben felt his heart soar...next step?

Rey was choosing to see...her to know him again...the new him !

”that would mean the world to me, ...does that make us a couple then?” He had to ask.

Rey cocked her head, “I kissed you Ben...what do you think it meant?”

He smirked, “that you want my lips to yourself?”

She stared daggers at him, smacked his thigh, “yes ...you dumb dumb! You are mine and just mine ... vice versa. Trust needs to be rebuilt... brick by brick.”

”deal...” Ben gave her his new phone number. “I’m staying at mom and dad’s until my probation is up, I plan to get a place after that. I haven’t decided past that yet...”

”good thing I love your parents...” Rey kissed his cheek and left.

 

Ben just sat staring at the door she exited behind for a long time.

 

absorbing...

 

Rey wanted him still.

He could prove he deserved it.

He could love her.

He grinned.

Now to just not fuck it up...

 

 


	62. New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia poured another cup of coffee for herself and her son. “So she came to see you at work that day ... and since then you starting dating? Well... going on on normal dates?”

Ben smiled, “I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up... but yeah. She wanted to see how she felt after her birthday...if the call would pull her to me. If she would still have a choice.”

Leia took a sip and nodded. “How many dates so far? Have you kissed her Ben?”

”She actually kissed me ...that night. We’re taking things slow...we talked a lot that night. The next Friday I took her to a movie. After that we walked at the park, grabbed lunch, I’ve been to her school, gone to dinner, wandered around the shops on our square...regular dates. But... no ... I haven’t pushed. We’ve held hands and hugged, light kisses.” Ben sighed, “that’s the hard part...not touching her the way my body and mind wants...showing her how much I love her physically. But she has to be ready mom, I know that ...I have been selfish in the past... I’m not going to be now.”

”glad to hear it...does her family know?” Leia prodded.

”actually, yes... I interacted with Cassian the night of the movie. He wasn’t keen on our reacquaintance... he made it clear. But both him and Jyn are supporting Rey. Her decision. Her father did threaten to gut me if I hurt her again.” Ben chuckled. “I’m relieved... I missed her so much.”

”if it’s meant to be ... you two will find your way. The call is an overwhelming experience...but it can be fought. Rey is stronger than most, wiser than some twice her age...she’s handled herself with respect and grace through everything. If she chooses to pursue more...deserve it son.” Leia has grown to love the girl too. She felt protective and proud. 

Ben kissed his mother’s cheek. “I’ll see you after work mom, tell dad steaks tonight... I may not be coming home alone”

 

 

He let his mind wander while he worked. He had options, a job opportunity on the horizon.

Would Rey approve?

If they got married...it would affect her too?

...and kids?

He asked Rey to come to a meeting with him soon. Sharing that part of himself felt correct. He wanted her to meet his sponser and the person her was trying to help. 

A future seemed possible now.

A happy one...

...with her.

But she needed to finish college, he needed to get through his probation...get his own place ...continue learning how to function. 

He couldn’t help thinking of her sounds and the feel of her from their time before ...when she was close ...the call amplified everything.

So far he’d controlled himself... if he rushed he could destroy the trust they’ve been building. 

He just wanted her so much...jerking off sometimes twice or more a day if he sees her.

would that disgust her?

would it make her hot?

He sang along to the radio as he washed the dishes.

She was supposed to text him shortly about coming to dinner with his family...maybe visiting after...longer...

He was hoping for longer...

Perhaps alone in his room...hands ...less inhibitions...?

More than a kiss?

Ben licked his lips, his cock twitched slightly in his pants picturing Rey sprawled in his bed tonight...

He sighed. 

Please? ...he begged the universe.

 


	63. Wishful and reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia was only too happy to hug Rey when she arrived for dinner, Han made a dish she liked. She’d been a constant visitor at first while they dealt with legal ramifications, and while Ben was in prison. They’d grown to love her and feel protective, like Jyn and Cassian. Whether she chose to be with Ben or not, they would help her with anything. Ben liked how they doted on her...he knew how loved she was...he was thankful.

“So this was your room growing up...has to be wierd being here while you serve out your probation...” Rey mentioned as she wandered around looking at his room ...his stuff.

He sighed, “maybe a little, but I’m working on myself and being with them has helped me. We’ve worked on our relationship too. I feel like such a coward for running like I did back then...hiding from my life...you made me question that decision. I needed to face reality so I could possibly build a life with you...”

Rey kept a bit of distance between them.

He watched her move elegantly around, examining his books ...his pictures.

He had been amazed his parents had left the room untouched when he ran.

He’d sunk to the floor and cried his first night back home...they still loved him after...never stopped...

Leia had found him sobbing and knelt to hold  him ...soon joined by Han. Ben wasn’t sure how long they’d stayed that way, but he felt ready to try when his tears stopped.

Now... “you can’t change the past...it’s not something you can kill and bury...” Rey spoke with strength.

She went to his window and stared out,  “You slept with me...you touched me Ben... but our time...you touched my heart too. We became a part of each other.”

Ben wasn’t sure how to respond, “the call doesn’t mean I’m your only option Rey... you aren’t obligated to me... I only want you to be happy...”

She scowled at him.

 He thought he was being selfless... why was she angry?

”close your eyes Ben and sit down.” She told him.

He sat on his bed and closed his eyes wondering what she would do.

He was startled when he felt her hands on either side of his face...she kissed his forehead.

He almost moaned at the feeling... melting into her palms.

He let her run her fingers over his neck, through his hair. 

She tugged his shirt over his head finally and he silently screamed when her mouth left gentle kisses down his neck and across his chest. His breathing was growing ragged.

His own hands fisted the sheets.

She stopped and he thought the lack of touch was torture.

but then she was straddling his lap, her arms around his neck...

He was severely aware then that her upper half was bare.

He groaned...but kept his hands down ...his eyes shut...

She had not told him to move...

Rey nuzzled his neck and cheek with her nose and lips...

One hand reached for his own and pulled it to her mouth, kissing the tips of his fingers before placing his palm over one breast.

He let her knead her breast with his hand , delighting in her whimpers. 

He wished for this ...for anything she would allow...

Her other hand found his hair and guide his head down to suckle the other breast.

His tongue and lips took full advantage. He devoured the stiffened bud and prayed he could taste more of her.

Eventually she pulled his head away. 

“Lay down Ben...” she barely whispered.

He moved backwards, his head finding his pillow.

He felt her curl into his side, pull his sheets over them. Her head over his heart.

He risked placing a kiss on her hair. Rey sighed content.

He waited for her to do more...

But soon the sound of her light breathing and stillness hinted she’d fallen asleep.

He opened his eyes finally, in the minimal light from the moon shining through his window he saw her features. 

She felt at ease enough to touch him... trusted him enough to fall asleep against him ...

He smiled and kissed her head again. She smelled so good, she was warm.

He felt whole. This silent surrender was a start.

The universe had heard his plea...she was here...she was his...

But he couldn’t lie to himself...he needed to possess her body so badly...

He could and would wait...

The feel of her breasts against his own skin was enough for now...maybe he could coax more next time...worship her folds the way she deserved...


	64. Whispering daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey had just wanted to feel it out more... slowly open to the possibility of him...

 

He had let her.

 

She positioned him...guided him... but it ended...

She let him hold her all night...

The sound of her body relaxing was soothing, the feeling of her...

 

He sighed contemplating, content to bask. She wasn’t a child anymore...the call was there. 

He had offered the option of walking away. It was right. She wasn’t obligated to him.

But...

If Rey wanted this ...him...?

Oh how happy he would be to demonstrate how much he could give her.

”you’re thinking so loud ...stop it.” Rey teased.

Ben huffed, giving her a kiss to her hair. “I am just enjoying this...”

”did you think I wouldn’t come investigate how this call would feel? After all that time together? What I gave you? After what you suffered for me? I had to see...” Rey stayed leaning up on her elbows to look at him.

”you don’t owe me though... people ignore it all the time, the strength of the call doesn’t change you are your own person...I do not own you...you are a beautiful, smart, strong woman who anyone would adore. I would feel privileged...” he cupped her jaw.

Caressing her cheek, he leaned in, “I do love you Rey ... I do want you...I don’t deserve it...but please let me keep trying...”

Rey let her hand drift down his chest and navel...

She let him take her lips...

Moaning into her mouth he craved so much more...

Her hand gripped him firmly and began to massage...his groans only egging her on.

They became a tangle of hands and limbs.

Urgent cries and desperate need...

Hungry...

”Ben I ...” She could barely form the words as he sheathed himself.

She guided him deeper.

It was like he was inside her in every way... so overpowering but so delicious.

Rey needed the intensity.

She swallowed down each sensation of his body’s ministrations.

Clawed his skin as he drove so fiercely into her that she couldn’t catch her breath. 

It terrified and brought her to life.

Her petty jealousy set aside...

His fear and self-loathing scared away...

She crashed and contracted around him causing him to fold utterly... 

Sated and breathless.

He had no words...

Her heart raced, decisions were made. Giving in to this pulsing draw meant becoming his...truly his.

Did she really trust that? 

She kissed him again. “More Ben ...give me more...” She whispered against his mouth.

He slid down, spread her legs wide to gaze upon what he thinks heaven must feel like. Look like...”divine...”

He devoured her wetness, lazily exploring between her thighs until she shook with another two orgasms.

Her reaction only enticed his cock to wake once more.

They forgot where they were, that his parents were in this house, that there was ever worry ...pain...

Lost in bliss...

He pounded into her promising picket fences and family...spoke of worshiping her nightly ... of love...

It was like floating in this safe passionate bubble...

Exhausted hours later, they succumbed to sleep...

 

 


	65. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia handed Han a cup of coffee smirking.

Han took a sip and rolled his eyes, “ how many times is that now? Lord...she’s going to give him a damn heart attack!” 

Leia chuckled, “they’re young...they finally found each other again...we were like that once. Starved for each touch ...”

”true...doesn’t mean I want to hear it!” He joked.

The walls in the house did not hide any of Ben and Rey’s activities. They’d barely left his room other than to shower or grab snacks ...

Ben called into work...

He  wanted nothing more than to give in to each and every vicious  or delicious desire young Rey had...

And for the moment ...she couldn’t be sated...

Leia saw his back when he ventured into the kitchen, to her he appeared like a animal attack victim.

He had blushed, snagged Gatorade and cookies ...disappeared into his room again.

 

 

”we have to face the world dear...” Ben whispered, kissing a trail across her bare shoulder and up her neck as she lay still on her stomach. 

Rey sighed, “I know...”

They showered and dressed, he went to work. Where he was teased relentlessly for skipping work for pussy... but in truth they were happy for him.

Everyone knew she had his heart. 

Rey called him later to tell him goodnight. They decided to date. Really date.

He was proud to hold her close at the movies that weekend. Tensing when her fingers brushed his thigh.

It was like his skin was electric around her...now everything they did was amplified.

He started looking for a place of his own. He paid his probation fees and never missed an appointment or AA meeting. His original sponser was proud. The poor soul he mentored himself blossomed. 

Rey came with him to his meetings when she could. 

Hux grew to like Rey  more and more, her friends found Ben sweet. 

Ben was contemplating asking Rey to live with him...after he’d been in his house a while. 

It really was already hers too...

Cassian was more welcoming. Jyn and Leia were predicting engagement news. 

Ben enjoyed every second they had alone. Terrified if he blinked she’d be gone...

 


	66. Ours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia and Han liked the little house Ben found, they knew Rey didn’t care about fancy things. They helped move them in with Cassian and Jyn offering too. That was a while ago. Time flies...

Ben felt like before he accidentally met his soulmate he’d been a dormant seed ... with no sun ... no rain to help him grow ...

But now... he’d grown into the best version of himself.

Sturdy branches ...

Healthy roots ...

Delicious fruit...

He loved her so much...

She was done with school, he had decided he liked working with his hands...started his own lawn care business. 

He trims trees, designed flower beds, built fish ponds, and created rock waterfalls for people... really anything they could dream up... in addition to mowing.

It made sense... the dirt ...the order...

Simple.

Rey had decided to work at Hux’s office, she liked the numbers... the organization.

They still weren’t ready for kids, but it was something they talked about.

Their wedding had been small, choosing to have it in her parent’s backyard.

Barefoot and dressed in lace.

A daisy in her hair. Ben had a daisy in his shirt pocket. 

Both mothers had cried.

Ben cried as she walked toward him...

He had never seen such beauty... as her joy... her eyes locked on him with a sweet grin.

Hux  gifted them with a nice honeymoon.

Married only 3 months now, they were still learning to share space.

Rey made him wait to completely live together until they were married...though they were rarely apart. 

He kissed her forehead every morning when he left for work no matter how early.

She would sometimes sigh and drag him back under the warm covers...making him late...

He visited meetings occasionally...but not like before. 

He wanted to concentrate on the future.

Every touch felt electric...like new...

”Rey, I’ll be back...I’ve got a client to meet with about a landscaping bid before I head to my first yard to mow.” He called out.

”ok hun! love you!” Rey yelled from the shower.

Ben couldn’t feel more blessed...


	67. Marked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He kissed her delicate wrist as she winced. “So tough...just hang in there.” Ben encouraged.

The buzzing sounded so loud.

Rey had a death grip on his thigh with the hand he wasn’t petting and kissing trying to distract her.

It was their 1 year anniversary and true to form what she wanted wasn’t typical.

Ben was already done, now giving moral support to her.

She asked for them to get matching tattoos of her choosing to celebrate.

He accepted.

He had some already, but whatever she would want was special and so it meant something to him.

It was her first, she said it was only right since he got her first everything else...

When he tensed and got quiet that morning at her taunt, Rey kissed him until he forgot why.

She had no regrets... he was her soulmate, he was all she wanted.

A different path for her life ...was an inconceivable notion.

The way he made her soar when they joined bodies was transcendent. She floated.

But he had moments of guilt even after so long about how he’d originally come into her world...certain triggers. 

Rey understands, reminds him. It’s ok...

So here they were after a nice dinner, dressed in their finest, getting matching tattoos.

Rey chose a strand of daisies going up their sides, dancing along their ribs. Hip to chest. Delicate lettering intertwined.

 

_**“In you I am lost,** _

_**In you I am found,** _

_**In pain, In sorrow,** _

_**You are hope, freedom,** _

_**In you I face my past,** _

_**In you I look to the future,** _

_**In scars, In dreams,** _

_**You are my love, my home.”** _

 

 

Their wedding date wound into the design as well.

Her name on him, his on her. As an intro of the words written, like she was speaking them to him on her skin. And he was speaking them to her on his.

Like a love letter...

”It looks good babe, we’ll schedule touch ups and they’ll be perfect.” He praised.

She graced him with a sweet grin, “thanks.”

They let the man finish this step and weeks later returned to do last touches. 

Their friends picked on them for being cheesy romantic saps, but they didn’t care. 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben worked on their new yard.

The house had more space and huge yard, Rey let him do his creative thing outside and she attacked the inside.

All the rooms were painted and she meticulously chose accents and light fixtures.

The kitchen needed a complete overhaul and she wanted a large deck out back.

Ben made her beautiful flowerbeds and planted more trees. He put in a little fish pond and a gazebo.

His last touch was a playhouse and swing set.

Rey watched him from the deck, sipping her lemonade. “Is that a hint Solo? That this new house is too big and too empty?”

Ben blushed neck to ears, “ well... maybe. We’ve really enjoyed ‘practicing’ all this time... maybe you could get off your birth control and just let nature take its course?”

Rey chuckled, “ subtle ...”

She walked out to him after setting down her glass.

Her sun dress billowing in the breeze.

He wrapped happy arms around her.“sorry if I’m sweaty.”

Rey nuzzled his chin, “ mmmmm man smell.”

He scoffed, “ what my stank?”

She giggled, “perhaps a shower then, furniture is all set up, I’ll start hanging things tomorrow. You’re done out here it looks like...let’s get all shiny and yummy ...maybe start that on purpose stuff.”

He have her a look.

”Ben, I got off my birth control months ago...” no surprise yet, but perhaps some extra effort is in order... more intense trying.” Rey teased.

Ben growled in her ear and practically carried her to their master bath to wash up.

They got a bit distracted in the shower, but eventually made their way to sprawling out on their king size bed.

”mmmmm much better Mr Man.” Rey cooed.

He took his time at first, but frantic anguish hit him after she came on his fingers.

Even now their link made sex so overwhelming and they were incapable of quickies. Hours was a normalcy...

Feeling love drunk...

Rey sighed exhausted, “that was... good practice Mr Dad. But give me a breather and we can try for round 3...”

Ben grunted, “ ha! -Woman you are literally trying to fucking kill me.” He smirked.

”a nice death don’t you think?” She whispered.

He was going to answer, but got lost again kissing down her back and along her perfect rear.

Rey made him feel like all his jagged pieces were melted back together, solid. 

He thrust into her slower, stroking her throat with his hand from behind.

He made her grip the sheets and whine...pleased.

Kissing the top of her spine, he moaned.

He was the lost one when he found her...

Fate gave him a shove...

But she had blessed him by opening herself.

His beautiful daisy, strong and loved.

As her sounds invaded his senses, her contracting, Ben couldn’t help begging the universe for one more gift...

A little piece of creation... half her...half him...

Proof that soulmates were real... that this love was no dream...

 

 

 


End file.
